I think the Christmas spirit must actually be a real thing that exists for real in the real world in which we live. (for realz)
Why do I believe this? Because I was working at the supermarket today (which is Christmas Eve and the busiest day for shops all year) and it was crazy and people were running late and getting stressed and stuff. But not one single person was nasty to me or yelled at me just for doing my job. I didn't even have anyone rant at me about the plastic bag ban and the only drunk that came in was actually quite nice and paid in correct change.
Wow. That's got to be a record of some kind.
Merry Christmas, y'all. Happy New Year too, in case I'm not back in time.
Thursday, 24 December 2009
Tuesday, 22 December 2009
Strange purchase of the day
12 bottles of spray on whipped cream. Nothing else, just our whole shelf of whipped cream. (Cardboard tray included)
What does one person do with that much whipped cream?
What does one person do with that much whipped cream?
Monday, 21 December 2009
Things to do to make your checkout chick love you
1. Give her your shopping bags first. This means before she's scanned all your stuff and put it on the bench thus adding an extra step to the process.
2. Put things you want packed together next to each other on the conveyor belt.
3. Make polite conversation. While she is being paid to be nice to you, it would still be nice if you returned the favour. It makes such a difference to her day and reminds her that she is a person, just like you.
4. Where possible, buy nice rectangular objects -so much easier to pack.
5. Don't yell at her. You'd think that's sort of common practice - not yelling at people. But you'd be surprised how often people forget basic manners when talking to someone who works in a supermarket.
6. Try to give the right change. This isn't always possible, I know. But don't think I don't notice when you sort through the notes in your wallet and give me a 50 when you could have given me a 10 or a 20.
7. Don't abuse her for things that aren't her fault. This includes prices, the layout of the shop, the fact that big bottles of milk are heavy, the person in front of you not speaking English very well, the fact that Mr Rann made plastic bags illegal, the weather, the invention of credit cards and many others.
8. Don't start drooling and talking to her chest.* It's unpleasant.
*Actually, until today, I wouldn't have thought it was something that happened outside of bad sitcoms, but there you go.
2. Put things you want packed together next to each other on the conveyor belt.
3. Make polite conversation. While she is being paid to be nice to you, it would still be nice if you returned the favour. It makes such a difference to her day and reminds her that she is a person, just like you.
4. Where possible, buy nice rectangular objects -so much easier to pack.
5. Don't yell at her. You'd think that's sort of common practice - not yelling at people. But you'd be surprised how often people forget basic manners when talking to someone who works in a supermarket.
6. Try to give the right change. This isn't always possible, I know. But don't think I don't notice when you sort through the notes in your wallet and give me a 50 when you could have given me a 10 or a 20.
7. Don't abuse her for things that aren't her fault. This includes prices, the layout of the shop, the fact that big bottles of milk are heavy, the person in front of you not speaking English very well, the fact that Mr Rann made plastic bags illegal, the weather, the invention of credit cards and many others.
8. Don't start drooling and talking to her chest.* It's unpleasant.
*Actually, until today, I wouldn't have thought it was something that happened outside of bad sitcoms, but there you go.
Wednesday, 16 December 2009
Customer of the day #14
Lady: What's the movie about 2012 called?
Me: You mean 2012?
Lady: Yes, what's that called?
Me: ... 2012. That's the name of the film.
***
In other news, you know how sometimes people will describe their memory as being like a sieve? Well, a work buddy of mine (who is welcome to choose her own pseudonym) has told me that my memory is a like a melon scoop. Which strikes me as a remarkably specific utensil... but I think it's a compliment.
Me: You mean 2012?
Lady: Yes, what's that called?
Me: ... 2012. That's the name of the film.
***
In other news, you know how sometimes people will describe their memory as being like a sieve? Well, a work buddy of mine (who is welcome to choose her own pseudonym) has told me that my memory is a like a melon scoop. Which strikes me as a remarkably specific utensil... but I think it's a compliment.
Sunday, 13 December 2009
Short changed
The first award of this new(ish) segment goes to...
the man who refused to stop swiping his gift card.
He bought three mini puddings and started swiping his card before I'd even scanned them all. The he told me that they were too expensive and I must have made a mistake so I deleted each of them and scanned them again (he kept swiping his card through all of this).
Then finally we got to the paying stage of the transaction and he stopped swiping his card in surprise because now the Eftpos thingy had gone from saying "Please wait for operator" to "Please swipe card". He seemed slightly taken aback but, old habits die hard, he swiped it twice more (for good measure), I gave him his receipt and he was on his merry way.
(As a side note; this man was not one of the drunks, crazies or non-English speakers who often come through, so there was no excuse for such behaviour.)
the man who refused to stop swiping his gift card.
He bought three mini puddings and started swiping his card before I'd even scanned them all. The he told me that they were too expensive and I must have made a mistake so I deleted each of them and scanned them again (he kept swiping his card through all of this).
Then finally we got to the paying stage of the transaction and he stopped swiping his card in surprise because now the Eftpos thingy had gone from saying "Please wait for operator" to "Please swipe card". He seemed slightly taken aback but, old habits die hard, he swiped it twice more (for good measure), I gave him his receipt and he was on his merry way.
(As a side note; this man was not one of the drunks, crazies or non-English speakers who often come through, so there was no excuse for such behaviour.)
Sunday, 6 December 2009
WASPs make mistakes too
Now, I'll be honest, there have actually been a few noteworthy customers at the supermarket already but to describe exactly why they're noteworthy often requires facial expression, tone of voice and hand signals. So they're not really blog appropriate.
I should also mention that the supermarket I'm in, while awesome in terms of transport and places to go for my lunch breaks, is in an area that attracts... a variety of people. I've served quite a few middle class anglo-saxons but more often than that I serve backpackers, exchange students and migrants as well as a fair few drunks and crazies. (Incidentally, I've been doing day shifts for the most part.)
So, my people-dealing skills are really coming into play now and, consequently, it's getting a little hard to choose a customer of the day. Nonetheless, here's one for you now (not one of the crazies or non-English speakers... yet):
So, you know how in clothing shops and such if you find a shirt with a button missing you can get it discounted? Well these two young gentlemen had obviously heard this from their mothers.
Teenage boy: (puts a bottle of soft drink on the conveyor belt) This is damaged, so can I get it discounted?
Me: (looking at the bottle which seems to be all in tact) Umm... where is it damaged?
TB: See? It's ripped.
Me: (still can't find anything) Well the seal looks fine...
TB: No, there. (points to the label on the bottle which has the tiniest of rips in it)
Me: Oh... well, I can't discount that.
TB: Why not?
Me: The product isn't actually damaged, just the label. If it was really damaged, we wouldn't sell it to you because it could be contaminated.
TB: Oh, okay then.
Me: So, that's $2. Would you like your receipt?
---
PS: Sorry about the title, it's not a great one, I know. But I think I'm using 'Customer of the Day' a bit too much. Any suggestions?
I should also mention that the supermarket I'm in, while awesome in terms of transport and places to go for my lunch breaks, is in an area that attracts... a variety of people. I've served quite a few middle class anglo-saxons but more often than that I serve backpackers, exchange students and migrants as well as a fair few drunks and crazies. (Incidentally, I've been doing day shifts for the most part.)
So, my people-dealing skills are really coming into play now and, consequently, it's getting a little hard to choose a customer of the day. Nonetheless, here's one for you now (not one of the crazies or non-English speakers... yet):
So, you know how in clothing shops and such if you find a shirt with a button missing you can get it discounted? Well these two young gentlemen had obviously heard this from their mothers.
Teenage boy: (puts a bottle of soft drink on the conveyor belt) This is damaged, so can I get it discounted?
Me: (looking at the bottle which seems to be all in tact) Umm... where is it damaged?
TB: See? It's ripped.
Me: (still can't find anything) Well the seal looks fine...
TB: No, there. (points to the label on the bottle which has the tiniest of rips in it)
Me: Oh... well, I can't discount that.
TB: Why not?
Me: The product isn't actually damaged, just the label. If it was really damaged, we wouldn't sell it to you because it could be contaminated.
TB: Oh, okay then.
Me: So, that's $2. Would you like your receipt?
---
PS: Sorry about the title, it's not a great one, I know. But I think I'm using 'Customer of the Day' a bit too much. Any suggestions?
Saturday, 5 December 2009
Customer of the day #13
Lady: Excuse me, I was just wondering, we're running late for our movie so do we have to wait in that line? (gestures to long line of people waiting to buy tickets)
Me: Have you already bought your tickets?
Lady: No.
Me: Well, I'm afraid you still have to wait in line then.
Lady: But we're running late.
Me: I'm sorry but we can't let you in without a ticket and to buy a ticket you need to wait in that line.
Lady: Are you sure? Because we're running late.
Me: Have you already bought your tickets?
Lady: No.
Me: Well, I'm afraid you still have to wait in line then.
Lady: But we're running late.
Me: I'm sorry but we can't let you in without a ticket and to buy a ticket you need to wait in that line.
Lady: Are you sure? Because we're running late.
Wednesday, 2 December 2009
Customer of the day #12
"Can I please have a regular popcorn with no ice?"
You sure can. It's a bit of a hard ask to serve the popcorn with no ice but I'll see what I can do.
You sure can. It's a bit of a hard ask to serve the popcorn with no ice but I'll see what I can do.
Friday, 27 November 2009
Check out that chick
Well I've finally started at the supermarket! (cue balloons, streamers, etc. falling from the sky)
It was a pretty short shift (only 3 hours) because I guess they wanted to start me off slowly - which I was actually rather grateful for. In some ways it was really good to have come to this as my second job because I already know about stuff like how to talk to customers, how to count change in my head and how to ignore hunger pains as you work through lunch or dinner time.
But there were differences (of course) and I have a new computer system to get used to and there are different things I have to say. (eg: Instead of "Would you like to upgrade to a large for an extra dollar?" I now say "Would like the window cleaner in a separate bag from the milk?" and stuff like that.)
No real customers of the day so far (unless you count the drunk man standing near my register yelling at the air for an hour) although an amazingly large number of people are incapable of reading the sign "Register closed for training". But then again, I've had enough experience with people to have expected that.
It was a pretty short shift (only 3 hours) because I guess they wanted to start me off slowly - which I was actually rather grateful for. In some ways it was really good to have come to this as my second job because I already know about stuff like how to talk to customers, how to count change in my head and how to ignore hunger pains as you work through lunch or dinner time.
But there were differences (of course) and I have a new computer system to get used to and there are different things I have to say. (eg: Instead of "Would you like to upgrade to a large for an extra dollar?" I now say "Would like the window cleaner in a separate bag from the milk?" and stuff like that.)
No real customers of the day so far (unless you count the drunk man standing near my register yelling at the air for an hour) although an amazingly large number of people are incapable of reading the sign "Register closed for training". But then again, I've had enough experience with people to have expected that.
Sunday, 22 November 2009
Twilight
I was thinking as I was heading into work last night "I wonder if gangs of 14 year old girls are as messy, messier or less messy than gangs of 15 year old boys?" (In other words, how will Twilight compare to Transformers in terms of mess?) I also wondered how it would compare to Sex and the City in terms in craziness. So I think, from now on, we need a point system for all greatly anticipated new movies.
Level of mess in the cinemas: 4/5 (It was pretty bad, but compare to something like Dark Knight it was okay. We didn't even have to run overtime with the cleaning... just)
Level of mess in the bathrooms: 1/5 (I was pleasantly surprised. But perhaps no one wanted to use the bathrooms for fear of missing any of that Edward action)
Level/amount of screams from the fans: 3/5 (They clapped and screamed at the end of every session. But, compared to the tribal roar of Sex and the City it was bearable.)
Level of craziness for the Candy Bar to deal with: 5/5 (I had to go and help three times in my four hour shift just for the four people already there to be able to deal with the pace.)
Number of die hard fans*: 6
How long before their session did people start to line up: 30 minutes in most cases. It sounds bad but for the last Harry Potter people were coming at least an hour before, just in case.
Overall score: 49
*Distinguishable by their clothing, their absolute insistence on getting a good seat, their refusal to leave for any reason (including personal injury) and so forth.
PS: Finally heard back from the supermarket and I'll be starting on Wednesday. Wish me luck.
Level of mess in the cinemas: 4/5 (It was pretty bad, but compare to something like Dark Knight it was okay. We didn't even have to run overtime with the cleaning... just)
Level of mess in the bathrooms: 1/5 (I was pleasantly surprised. But perhaps no one wanted to use the bathrooms for fear of missing any of that Edward action)
Level/amount of screams from the fans: 3/5 (They clapped and screamed at the end of every session. But, compared to the tribal roar of Sex and the City it was bearable.)
Level of craziness for the Candy Bar to deal with: 5/5 (I had to go and help three times in my four hour shift just for the four people already there to be able to deal with the pace.)
Number of die hard fans*: 6
How long before their session did people start to line up: 30 minutes in most cases. It sounds bad but for the last Harry Potter people were coming at least an hour before, just in case.
Overall score: 49
*Distinguishable by their clothing, their absolute insistence on getting a good seat, their refusal to leave for any reason (including personal injury) and so forth.
PS: Finally heard back from the supermarket and I'll be starting on Wednesday. Wish me luck.
Tuesday, 17 November 2009
The work situation
So, I've been inducted and have told the supermarket I'm available any day of the week and so I've told the cinema I can only do weekends. (so that I don't get any embarrassing crossovers)
Since doing this, I have discovered two things:
1. A note in my pigeon hole from one of the supervisors at the cinema which basically said "Woah, why on earth are you cutting back your availability at the start of school holidays? I think we might need to have a chat about this..."
2. The supermarket, despite being busy in the pre-Christmas season, still hasn't told me when I'll be working. It could tomorrow or several weeks away. That's great to know after I've told my other job that I'll be working fewer hours because I'm needed elsewhere.
Grr.
Since doing this, I have discovered two things:
1. A note in my pigeon hole from one of the supervisors at the cinema which basically said "Woah, why on earth are you cutting back your availability at the start of school holidays? I think we might need to have a chat about this..."
2. The supermarket, despite being busy in the pre-Christmas season, still hasn't told me when I'll be working. It could tomorrow or several weeks away. That's great to know after I've told my other job that I'll be working fewer hours because I'm needed elsewhere.
Grr.
Wednesday, 4 November 2009
Inducted and proud
So, I had my induction at the supermarket today* and filled out lots and lots of paperwork (a considerably large amount of it with yesterday's date, which I didn't realise until we'd finished most of it. But I'm not too worried because I know no one will actually check this stuff unless I'm caught doing illegal stuff and they want to bring out some papers to wave at me.)
As well as paperwork, we watched videos! It felt exactly like those lessons at school when the teacher can't be bothered making a lesson plan, so they stick on a crappy old video then make you write a report on it. Thankfully we're not required to right reports. But we did have to sign various forms saying that we'd seen the videos and understood and so one, so forth.
The videos are really terrible. I mean really terrible. These things make Jennifer Aniston look good.
But I knew I had to take notes when I heard the one on electricity, the intro went a little something like this:
"Electricity is a wonderful thing; it helps us with all kinds of daily tasks - at home and in the workplace. It's all around us and offers many conveniences. It lights our rooms, cools our food, powers our computers and so much more. If you touch if you'll die."
The video went on to talk about double adapters (or should I say "bringers of burnination"). We saw a roleplay concerning these objects and, my goodness gracious me, it was so lifelike! I felt like I was really there, feeling the conflict between the characters. For I could see that the kettle was a symbol of their love, a love which could never flourish because there simply was not room. This big ol' world doesn't want kettles getting too close to toasters... a flame could erupt! (A flame of passion!)
But I cannot do this scene justice on my own. I have to share it with you;
(Woman approaches with kettle but notices the electrical socket is full.)
Woman: Oh, I'd better get a double adapter.
Man: No! You can't use double adapters, they're not safe!
Woman: Oh, that's true. I know someone who use a double adapter and they had a fire. I'd better not use the kettle.
Man: No, we just need to find a safe way to use the kettle.
(Man unplugs the toaster to allow Woman to plug in the kettle)
Woman: Wow, easy.
* * *
I also learned about "power fingers"** and the various cleaning chemicals. Each cleaning chemical is "identifiable by its colour"... except I couldn't help but notice that two different chemicals are colour coded brown. How on earth will I be able to tell the difference? Seriously folks, I'm worried. I'm also worried that the video gave the impression we could only identify them by their colours. But I would have thought that their label which says the name of chemical and what it does might give you a hint. Apparently not. And now we're stuck with two browns. Tsk tsk.
That's about all for now. I'll let you know how my first real shift goes when that happens.
*It occurs to me that, from now on, I can't just talk about "work", I'll have to say "the cinema" or "the supermarket".
** From the hour long video on how to lift things. I didn't know you could spend an hour on that, but there you go. Lifting.
As well as paperwork, we watched videos! It felt exactly like those lessons at school when the teacher can't be bothered making a lesson plan, so they stick on a crappy old video then make you write a report on it. Thankfully we're not required to right reports. But we did have to sign various forms saying that we'd seen the videos and understood and so one, so forth.
The videos are really terrible. I mean really terrible. These things make Jennifer Aniston look good.
But I knew I had to take notes when I heard the one on electricity, the intro went a little something like this:
"Electricity is a wonderful thing; it helps us with all kinds of daily tasks - at home and in the workplace. It's all around us and offers many conveniences. It lights our rooms, cools our food, powers our computers and so much more. If you touch if you'll die."
The video went on to talk about double adapters (or should I say "bringers of burnination"). We saw a roleplay concerning these objects and, my goodness gracious me, it was so lifelike! I felt like I was really there, feeling the conflict between the characters. For I could see that the kettle was a symbol of their love, a love which could never flourish because there simply was not room. This big ol' world doesn't want kettles getting too close to toasters... a flame could erupt! (A flame of passion!)
But I cannot do this scene justice on my own. I have to share it with you;
(Woman approaches with kettle but notices the electrical socket is full.)
Woman: Oh, I'd better get a double adapter.
Man: No! You can't use double adapters, they're not safe!
Woman: Oh, that's true. I know someone who use a double adapter and they had a fire. I'd better not use the kettle.
Man: No, we just need to find a safe way to use the kettle.
(Man unplugs the toaster to allow Woman to plug in the kettle)
Woman: Wow, easy.
* * *
I also learned about "power fingers"** and the various cleaning chemicals. Each cleaning chemical is "identifiable by its colour"... except I couldn't help but notice that two different chemicals are colour coded brown. How on earth will I be able to tell the difference? Seriously folks, I'm worried. I'm also worried that the video gave the impression we could only identify them by their colours. But I would have thought that their label which says the name of chemical and what it does might give you a hint. Apparently not. And now we're stuck with two browns. Tsk tsk.
That's about all for now. I'll let you know how my first real shift goes when that happens.
*It occurs to me that, from now on, I can't just talk about "work", I'll have to say "the cinema" or "the supermarket".
** From the hour long video on how to lift things. I didn't know you could spend an hour on that, but there you go. Lifting.
Thursday, 29 October 2009
"Jinx" that's the word I should've used in Scrabble...
Would you believe that, actually, I didn't jinx anything at all?
I got a call today to say that, not only have I got that job, but the reason they took so long getting back to me is because they didn't have enough spaces available. However, I was just too awesome an applicant to pass up and so they've given me a spot anyway!
I suppose, technically, what this means is that I have caused a supermarket to be overstaffed with my powers of awesome. Which, in turn, means that I am stickin' it to the Man... just by having a job and getting paid. Yay capitalism!* An economic system so convoluted it is possible to undermine it and benefit from it at the same time... why, yes, that does sound familiar...
I look forward to sharing all these new crazy customers with you. What adventures await, only time may tell...
*Not a sentence I say often, as you can imagine.
I got a call today to say that, not only have I got that job, but the reason they took so long getting back to me is because they didn't have enough spaces available. However, I was just too awesome an applicant to pass up and so they've given me a spot anyway!
I suppose, technically, what this means is that I have caused a supermarket to be overstaffed with my powers of awesome. Which, in turn, means that I am stickin' it to the Man... just by having a job and getting paid. Yay capitalism!* An economic system so convoluted it is possible to undermine it and benefit from it at the same time... why, yes, that does sound familiar...
I look forward to sharing all these new crazy customers with you. What adventures await, only time may tell...
*Not a sentence I say often, as you can imagine.
Tuesday, 27 October 2009
Can I 'ave spam instead then? #3
Golden, golden flotspam for you today:
Rosalva Uranga: Grand plan. How to conquer world
Need any more be said?
Rosalva Uranga: Grand plan. How to conquer world
Need any more be said?
Monday, 26 October 2009
Oh deary, deary me
For this to really work, I'll need to give you some background information on my workplace:
Contrary to popular belief, movie tickets do not just magically appear. Nor do they appear from magical, shiny computers made within the last decade. Where their conception actually takes place is under a bench* from three pieces of technology, all from different eras, but all with a general "oldness" about them. There's the screen, the hard drive** and the printer.
The hard drive is not in its prime. If it had a personality it would be a bald man whose comb-over doesn't quite reach the other side and who wears brown, polyester blend cardigans.*** Nonetheless, it's an important bit of equipment. It is, in fact, the most important bit of equipment we have (besides the projectors) and so you would think we'd take good care of it.
We do not.
But I hadn't realised the extent of our neglect until today. I needed to move the hard drive forward bit to fix up the cords at the back. But it seemed to be stuck... how odd. I got one of the guys to help me because they are both naturally strong and good with computers****. But he couldn't movie it either.
Finally we dislodged poor Mr Hard-drive and found out what the problem was... coke syrup.
The most important (albeit personality deprived) piece of equipment there had been fused to its shelf with coke syrup! And this was old syrup too, I could tell by the smell.
Is there something in the Oc Health Safety guidelines about mixing computers with liquid? Especially sticky liquid.
* Which is held together by blue-tack and sheer will power from Head Office because they're too cheap to give us a new bench.
** I'm fairly sure it's a hard drive. But we tend to refer to it as "the computery thing".
*** So, ironically enough, if it had a personality it would also have no personality.
**** Not as much of a stereotype as you might think because that statement is pretty much true for all the male employees I work with. I wonder if it's been planned that way...
Contrary to popular belief, movie tickets do not just magically appear. Nor do they appear from magical, shiny computers made within the last decade. Where their conception actually takes place is under a bench* from three pieces of technology, all from different eras, but all with a general "oldness" about them. There's the screen, the hard drive** and the printer.
The hard drive is not in its prime. If it had a personality it would be a bald man whose comb-over doesn't quite reach the other side and who wears brown, polyester blend cardigans.*** Nonetheless, it's an important bit of equipment. It is, in fact, the most important bit of equipment we have (besides the projectors) and so you would think we'd take good care of it.
We do not.
But I hadn't realised the extent of our neglect until today. I needed to move the hard drive forward bit to fix up the cords at the back. But it seemed to be stuck... how odd. I got one of the guys to help me because they are both naturally strong and good with computers****. But he couldn't movie it either.
Finally we dislodged poor Mr Hard-drive and found out what the problem was... coke syrup.
The most important (albeit personality deprived) piece of equipment there had been fused to its shelf with coke syrup! And this was old syrup too, I could tell by the smell.
Is there something in the Oc Health Safety guidelines about mixing computers with liquid? Especially sticky liquid.
* Which is held together by blue-tack and sheer will power from Head Office because they're too cheap to give us a new bench.
** I'm fairly sure it's a hard drive. But we tend to refer to it as "the computery thing".
*** So, ironically enough, if it had a personality it would also have no personality.
**** Not as much of a stereotype as you might think because that statement is pretty much true for all the male employees I work with. I wonder if it's been planned that way...
Sunday, 25 October 2009
I jinxed it
What I was talking about in my last post was that I might be getting a new job. But I didn't get it, which is a pity because I imagine the chances for crazy customers are increased ten-fold as a checkout chick.
Thursday, 15 October 2009
How exciting!
I don't want to jinx anything, so I'm not telling you the full details just yet. But I may need to change my 'About Me' in the next few weeks. Depends on whether I get a phone call...
(Sorry for the cliff-hanger, everyone. But I'll update you as soon as things are certain.)
(Sorry for the cliff-hanger, everyone. But I'll update you as soon as things are certain.)
Tuesday, 13 October 2009
Can I 'ave spam instead then? #2
I'm so glad I've found a useful thing to do with spam.
This one, my favourite, is a from "Vicky Fuqua" and I must say I'm very impressed with her ingenuity. I mean, bringing the reader in with a question is a tried and true method of spammers but I love the innocent nature of this one; "Saw my sunglasses?"
(It's actually rather refreshing to get something in my spam box that doesn't ask me if I want a bigger penis. I was almost tempted to read it.)
Second place goes to "Shirlee Osumybar" simply because I like her name. Although, her subject matter "Based on this crap" should not go unnoticed.
Then, lastly I'd like to give an honourable mention to "Dr.Jin Chung" who sent me "YOUR TRANSACTION DETAILS". I like a doctor who knows that shouting at people is the best way to convince them you're legit.
This one, my favourite, is a from "Vicky Fuqua" and I must say I'm very impressed with her ingenuity. I mean, bringing the reader in with a question is a tried and true method of spammers but I love the innocent nature of this one; "Saw my sunglasses?"
(It's actually rather refreshing to get something in my spam box that doesn't ask me if I want a bigger penis. I was almost tempted to read it.)
Second place goes to "Shirlee Osumybar" simply because I like her name. Although, her subject matter "Based on this crap" should not go unnoticed.
Then, lastly I'd like to give an honourable mention to "Dr.Jin Chung" who sent me "YOUR TRANSACTION DETAILS". I like a doctor who knows that shouting at people is the best way to convince them you're legit.
Saturday, 3 October 2009
A public service announcement
When you go to see a movie in 3D, you receive a pair of 3D glasses. Great, excellent, everybody's happy.
When your 3D movie experience is finished, you don't want to hang onto those cheap, plastic glasses, do you? No, of course not! You're a busy human being with children hanging off arms demanding love and/or attention.
So, with this particular problem in mind, we have created a box. It's a wonderful box into which you can place your 3D glasses and allow them to be recycled. You get rid of the glasses and can help save the planet. Yay!
Now, just to be clear, the box with the giant picture of the 3D glasses, much like the ones you are currently holding and with a big sign on top that says "Recycle your 3D glasses here" is the box that you put the glasses in. Yes, it's strange, I know. But, instead of getting all caught up in the sense and mechanics of the situation, let's just assume that this is, in fact, the place to be putting the glasses.
I promise, nothing bad will happen if you just drop the glasses in there. You don't need to double check this with the cinema staff who are patiently waiting for you to just hurry up and leave. Promise. The box knows what it's talking about.
Further to this point; the correct place to put your rubbish is in the rubbish bin. Now I know that the rubbish bin doesn't have a sign on it, telling you just what to do. But surely you've grasped the concept by this stage? If not, maybe you could put your rubbish in the rubbish bag being held out towards you by one of the helpful staff members who are saying "Rubbish? Any rubbish, you can put it in here," over and over again while gesturing towards the bag.
So, glasses go in the box with the picture of the glasses on it. Rubbish goes in the rubbish bin. Not the other way around.
Has everyone got that? Good.
When your 3D movie experience is finished, you don't want to hang onto those cheap, plastic glasses, do you? No, of course not! You're a busy human being with children hanging off arms demanding love and/or attention.
So, with this particular problem in mind, we have created a box. It's a wonderful box into which you can place your 3D glasses and allow them to be recycled. You get rid of the glasses and can help save the planet. Yay!
Now, just to be clear, the box with the giant picture of the 3D glasses, much like the ones you are currently holding and with a big sign on top that says "Recycle your 3D glasses here" is the box that you put the glasses in. Yes, it's strange, I know. But, instead of getting all caught up in the sense and mechanics of the situation, let's just assume that this is, in fact, the place to be putting the glasses.
I promise, nothing bad will happen if you just drop the glasses in there. You don't need to double check this with the cinema staff who are patiently waiting for you to just hurry up and leave. Promise. The box knows what it's talking about.
Further to this point; the correct place to put your rubbish is in the rubbish bin. Now I know that the rubbish bin doesn't have a sign on it, telling you just what to do. But surely you've grasped the concept by this stage? If not, maybe you could put your rubbish in the rubbish bag being held out towards you by one of the helpful staff members who are saying "Rubbish? Any rubbish, you can put it in here," over and over again while gesturing towards the bag.
So, glasses go in the box with the picture of the glasses on it. Rubbish goes in the rubbish bin. Not the other way around.
Has everyone got that? Good.
99... a hundered!
I'd been thinking I'd have a Customer of the Day for my 100th post but then an amazing thing happened and it was too good not to tell you about. So, in celebration of my centennial, I would like to introduce a new segment to my blog which I like to call...
Can I 'ave spam instead then?
In which I relay the hilarious flotsam and jetsam of the interweb which I find lodged in the six-pack holder that is my spam folder.
Today's flotsam is from "Brenton Hesser" who tells me "We-rape-blondes! 1day-free"
Well, that's just dandy, Brenton. Thank you for sharing. A spamming prize pack is on its way and you should receive your baked beans and spam in 8 - 12 business days.
Can I 'ave spam instead then?
In which I relay the hilarious flotsam and jetsam of the interweb which I find lodged in the six-pack holder that is my spam folder.
Today's flotsam is from "Brenton Hesser" who tells me "We-rape-blondes! 1day-free"
Well, that's just dandy, Brenton. Thank you for sharing. A spamming prize pack is on its way and you should receive your baked beans and spam in 8 - 12 business days.
Friday, 25 September 2009
Why didn't I think of that before?
This is not a specific story today, just a little update and clarification. The update part is that, not long after Zosia found herself a Tall Boy, I found a boy too! (It must be the coming of Spring)
I didn't post about it at the time because I felt, in order to be mentioned in a blog, one needs a nickname. But I couldn't think of one, so I just left it. Then it occurred to me over breakfast that he already had a nickname and, fittingly, Zosia give it to him; Mr Flame.
I feel rather silly saying it (and even sillier typing it) but there you go, it works well. Should I explain why it works well? I suppose I should because otherwise you'll get the idea I'm going out this handsome young thing:
My own Mr Flame is one of those people you're likely to see at the circus or Fringe shows doing this:
except that, you know, he's otherwise quite a normal person.
So now, if ever I need to post a story about him, he has a an alias. What fun!
PS: My next post will be my 100th! The pressure's on now to make it a good one...
I didn't post about it at the time because I felt, in order to be mentioned in a blog, one needs a nickname. But I couldn't think of one, so I just left it. Then it occurred to me over breakfast that he already had a nickname and, fittingly, Zosia give it to him; Mr Flame.
I feel rather silly saying it (and even sillier typing it) but there you go, it works well. Should I explain why it works well? I suppose I should because otherwise you'll get the idea I'm going out this handsome young thing:
My own Mr Flame is one of those people you're likely to see at the circus or Fringe shows doing this:
except that, you know, he's otherwise quite a normal person.
So now, if ever I need to post a story about him, he has a an alias. What fun!
PS: My next post will be my 100th! The pressure's on now to make it a good one...
Friday, 21 August 2009
What is the world coming to...
... when only one person, besides me, in my tutorial knew what the word 'satire' meant? And that one person was the teacher.
... when someone needs to ask for help in the post office because they're not sure which side of the envelope to write on or whether they need to use stamps.
... when university students need to ask what 'First Person' and 'Third Person' mean.
... when someone needs to ask for help in the post office because they're not sure which side of the envelope to write on or whether they need to use stamps.
... when university students need to ask what 'First Person' and 'Third Person' mean.
Sunday, 9 August 2009
Customer of the day #11
Scene:
A girl and a boy arrive at the candy bar. It's clearly a very busy night and the girl behind the counter is looking tired and frazzled.
Girl customer: Hi, can we have a large... (turns to her boyfriend)
Boy customer: Yeah, whatever.
Girl customer: OK. One of those please.
(pause)
NG: So... did you want a large combo?
Girl customer: Confused expression No, we just wanted a large coke.
NG: Right, of course.
___
My fault really, I left all my mind reading equipment at home.
___
Edit: You remember my very first customer of the day? (The one who asked about live chickens in the cinema) Well, last night I served a woman who looked like a chicken. She even had a feathery jumper on.
A girl and a boy arrive at the candy bar. It's clearly a very busy night and the girl behind the counter is looking tired and frazzled.
Girl customer: Hi, can we have a large... (turns to her boyfriend)
Boy customer: Yeah, whatever.
Girl customer: OK. One of those please.
(pause)
NG: So... did you want a large combo?
Girl customer: Confused expression No, we just wanted a large coke.
NG: Right, of course.
___
My fault really, I left all my mind reading equipment at home.
___
Edit: You remember my very first customer of the day? (The one who asked about live chickens in the cinema) Well, last night I served a woman who looked like a chicken. She even had a feathery jumper on.
Monday, 27 July 2009
Top 5...
...disgusting things that have been found at my work. (Not always by me, thank goodness)
5. The black stuff behind the coke towers.
You don't need to worry about this too much because no foodstuff ever makes contact with it. Nonetheless, it disturbs me that we don't know quite what it is or how it got there.
4. A blocked toilet
It was blocked because someone had flushed a big plastic cup down there. And then someone else had used it.
3. Semen stains on the seat.
I don't think I need to elaborate on this one.
2. Vomit on the carpet.
The best part about this was that the person in question threw up just as the movie was starting and we're not allowed to stop a film for cleaning or clean while people are in the cinema. So the people in that session were left to deal with it for 2 hours. I don't think they noticed though because I actually had to tell them not to sit next to the vomit and the only reaction I got was "Oh, I thought I could smell something odd."
1. Pee in a cup.
That's right, someone finished their drink (I hope it was their drink and not someone else's) and decided the movie was too exciting for them to leave and go to the toilet. So they peed in the cup and left it there. Isn't personal hygiene fun?
5. The black stuff behind the coke towers.
You don't need to worry about this too much because no foodstuff ever makes contact with it. Nonetheless, it disturbs me that we don't know quite what it is or how it got there.
4. A blocked toilet
It was blocked because someone had flushed a big plastic cup down there. And then someone else had used it.
3. Semen stains on the seat.
I don't think I need to elaborate on this one.
2. Vomit on the carpet.
The best part about this was that the person in question threw up just as the movie was starting and we're not allowed to stop a film for cleaning or clean while people are in the cinema. So the people in that session were left to deal with it for 2 hours. I don't think they noticed though because I actually had to tell them not to sit next to the vomit and the only reaction I got was "Oh, I thought I could smell something odd."
1. Pee in a cup.
That's right, someone finished their drink (I hope it was their drink and not someone else's) and decided the movie was too exciting for them to leave and go to the toilet. So they peed in the cup and left it there. Isn't personal hygiene fun?
Thursday, 16 July 2009
What you didn't know about Jesus...
I was at work the other day getting ... hmm, how can I say this delicately? ... thoroughly bored. Mondays are never big days at a cinema and so, to amuse myself, I started writing out the words to 'Lord of the Dance'.
I got as far as:
"I danced for the fisherman, for James and John"
before being eventually called away to do some work. When I got back, I found that a co-worker (who shall remain nameless, for now) had added a few extra lyrics. So, for those of you who don't know, this is how 'Lord of the Dance' goes:
I danced in the morning when the world was begun
I danced in the Moon, the Stars and the Sun
I came down from Heaven and I danced on Earth
At Bethlehem I had my birth:
Dance then, wherever you may be
I am the Lord of the Dance, said He
And I'll lead you all, wherever you may be
And I'll lead you all in the Dance, said He
I danced for the scribe and the pharisee
But they would not dance and they wouldn't follow me
I danced for fishermen, for James and John
I danced for Batman, for he is the bomb
I danced like a madman, I was taking a chance
I called out to everyone, to look at my pants
I was feeling the beat, oh how I was funky
I call this next dance move 'doing the monkey'!
I got as far as:
"I danced for the fisherman, for James and John"
before being eventually called away to do some work. When I got back, I found that a co-worker (who shall remain nameless, for now) had added a few extra lyrics. So, for those of you who don't know, this is how 'Lord of the Dance' goes:
I danced in the morning when the world was begun
I danced in the Moon, the Stars and the Sun
I came down from Heaven and I danced on Earth
At Bethlehem I had my birth:
Dance then, wherever you may be
I am the Lord of the Dance, said He
And I'll lead you all, wherever you may be
And I'll lead you all in the Dance, said He
I danced for the scribe and the pharisee
But they would not dance and they wouldn't follow me
I danced for fishermen, for James and John
I danced for Batman, for he is the bomb
I danced like a madman, I was taking a chance
I called out to everyone, to look at my pants
I was feeling the beat, oh how I was funky
I call this next dance move 'doing the monkey'!
Friday, 10 July 2009
I have a life outside of you
(albeit a small one)
So, I sent off my entry for the Adelaide Review Short Story Competition today, the prize for which is to get said story published! :D
Oh, and you also get some bottles of wine if you come first. But, frankly, I couldn't give a damn about those. Really. Don't let my uni status fool you, I am actually sober for a surprisingly large percentage of my waking hours.
I won't hear back from them until September 10th and until that time I'll be living in hope. But (and I hope I'm not jinxing it by saying this) if I'm not selected for publishing, then I'll put the story up on my lovely blog. So we can be certain of at least one post in the month of September.
So, I sent off my entry for the Adelaide Review Short Story Competition today, the prize for which is to get said story published! :D
Oh, and you also get some bottles of wine if you come first. But, frankly, I couldn't give a damn about those. Really. Don't let my uni status fool you, I am actually sober for a surprisingly large percentage of my waking hours.
I won't hear back from them until September 10th and until that time I'll be living in hope. But (and I hope I'm not jinxing it by saying this) if I'm not selected for publishing, then I'll put the story up on my lovely blog. So we can be certain of at least one post in the month of September.
Sunday, 28 June 2009
Customer of the day #10
I suppose I can't blame this boy for being so confused. After all, a straight tunnel lined with numbers in chronological order is tricky navigational feat, even for the best of us.
Customer: Excuse me, where is 'Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen'?
Me: That's in Cinema 4.
Customer: Is that the one that says 'Night at the Museum'?
Me: No, it's the one that says 'Transformers'.
Customer: Is it the one in the 5?
Me: No, you want the one with the big number 4 on it.
Customer: I can't see a number 4.
Me: It's down the end. After 5. It has green doors.
Customer: OK.
I'm not sure how I did it, but somehow I managed to convince him that he really was meant to go where his ticket (and the numbers on the doors) were telling him to go.
***
Oh, and as a little side note: Who brings their 2 year old daughter to see 'Transformers'? I mean, honestly, it's violent, loud and filled with sex scenes and metal music. Admittedly we don't have many kids movies on at the moment, but even so.
But, apparently, more than one family last night didn't see that as a problem.
Customer: Excuse me, where is 'Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen'?
Me: That's in Cinema 4.
Customer: Is that the one that says 'Night at the Museum'?
Me: No, it's the one that says 'Transformers'.
Customer: Is it the one in the 5?
Me: No, you want the one with the big number 4 on it.
Customer: I can't see a number 4.
Me: It's down the end. After 5. It has green doors.
Customer: OK.
I'm not sure how I did it, but somehow I managed to convince him that he really was meant to go where his ticket (and the numbers on the doors) were telling him to go.
***
Oh, and as a little side note: Who brings their 2 year old daughter to see 'Transformers'? I mean, honestly, it's violent, loud and filled with sex scenes and metal music. Admittedly we don't have many kids movies on at the moment, but even so.
But, apparently, more than one family last night didn't see that as a problem.
Thursday, 25 June 2009
Customer of the day #9
... is not so much crazy as a little bit creepy.
I was standing at the tunnel entrance (where the cinemas hide) waiting to check people's tickets and pretend I care if they enjoy their movie or not. A man comes towards me, his arms laden with candy-bar goodies.
He says, "My ticket's just in my front pocket there, love."
Apparently he saw nothing strange in what he was proposing, which was that I (a girl young enough to be his daughter) reach in and feel around in the front pocket of his jeans for a ticket which may, or may not, be there.
My response: "Ummm... why don't I just hold onto the popcorn for you?"
***
I also have a quote for you, from our friend Crazy Football Fan:
"English is the bastardised language of pretty much every European language in the world."
That is opposed to European languages not of this world. I suppose he has a fair point in that.
I was standing at the tunnel entrance (where the cinemas hide) waiting to check people's tickets and pretend I care if they enjoy their movie or not. A man comes towards me, his arms laden with candy-bar goodies.
He says, "My ticket's just in my front pocket there, love."
Apparently he saw nothing strange in what he was proposing, which was that I (a girl young enough to be his daughter) reach in and feel around in the front pocket of his jeans for a ticket which may, or may not, be there.
My response: "Ummm... why don't I just hold onto the popcorn for you?"
***
I also have a quote for you, from our friend Crazy Football Fan:
"English is the bastardised language of pretty much every European language in the world."
That is opposed to European languages not of this world. I suppose he has a fair point in that.
Sunday, 21 June 2009
Lady K's contribution to world affairs
This is not my wonderful creative genius shining through, but my sister's:
"I have to have a Tupperware party. Its a long stpry (sic), I'm not going into it. However, I need to rebel against it in my own little way, so I constructed an invitation about gender based consumption and guilt marketing but thought it might be a little harsh. Then, in a rare sober moment, I started to think of taglines for Tupperware. Here are a few, you can join in the fun:
- Tupperware. Just Seal It.
- Got a secret? Tupperware. The only airtight seal with a lifetime guarantee.*
and my personal favourite:
- Tupperware and How to Win Friends and Influence People. See mutual exclusivity live and in techni-colour.
Anyway. So as I was thinking of these I thought I missed my blog, then I thought I should just get you or Zosia to post them on my behalf. But I think this is a happy compromise.
*This works for Swine Flu instead of secrets but I think the colour will date."
If you like, K, you could join up as a member of my blog and just add a post or two when the mood takes you. It's llike having your own blog but without the responsibility. (Which I think might suit you) ;)
"I have to have a Tupperware party. Its a long stpry (sic), I'm not going into it. However, I need to rebel against it in my own little way, so I constructed an invitation about gender based consumption and guilt marketing but thought it might be a little harsh. Then, in a rare sober moment, I started to think of taglines for Tupperware. Here are a few, you can join in the fun:
- Tupperware. Just Seal It.
- Got a secret? Tupperware. The only airtight seal with a lifetime guarantee.*
and my personal favourite:
- Tupperware and How to Win Friends and Influence People. See mutual exclusivity live and in techni-colour.
Anyway. So as I was thinking of these I thought I missed my blog, then I thought I should just get you or Zosia to post them on my behalf. But I think this is a happy compromise.
*This works for Swine Flu instead of secrets but I think the colour will date."
If you like, K, you could join up as a member of my blog and just add a post or two when the mood takes you. It's llike having your own blog but without the responsibility. (Which I think might suit you) ;)
Wednesday, 17 June 2009
Quick movie review
I saw 'The Hangover' last night and it was fantastic!
Truly excellent and I know that it was good because I spotted a juxtaposition or two in there and if there are techniques like that in a film, it's clearly something worth studying in an English lesson.
That said, it might not be something for the faint hearted. There's a lot of swearing, a few car crashes, some strippers and everything else you'd expect in Vegas. (and a bit more) But there are are some excellent lines, the actors do a great job and you really believe all of what's going on
I heartily recommend it. Four stars. :)
I can't seem to post the actual video on here, but if you follow this link:
http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5237893638236163790
there's a quick preview.
Truly excellent and I know that it was good because I spotted a juxtaposition or two in there and if there are techniques like that in a film, it's clearly something worth studying in an English lesson.
That said, it might not be something for the faint hearted. There's a lot of swearing, a few car crashes, some strippers and everything else you'd expect in Vegas. (and a bit more) But there are are some excellent lines, the actors do a great job and you really believe all of what's going on
I heartily recommend it. Four stars. :)
I can't seem to post the actual video on here, but if you follow this link:
http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5237893638236163790
there's a quick preview.
Monday, 8 June 2009
Customer of the day #8
Goes to...
The little boy who decided to do star jumps in the doorway of the ladies' toilets.
The little boy who decided to do star jumps in the doorway of the ladies' toilets.
Saturday, 6 June 2009
Monday, 25 May 2009
Yippee
So it looks like I'l be getting my computer back soon. Yay! We found a place who'll fit it with a new hard drive and retrieve my data and put in all the updates that I have so far been too lazy to put in myself. Yay!
In the meantime I'm making do with the uni computers and I can't say that I like the keyboards at all. They're all just so clunky! I'm constatly re-typing things. Bah.
Anyway, can't stay for long today because I have a History tut to go to. Bye for now. I'll be back soon.
In the meantime I'm making do with the uni computers and I can't say that I like the keyboards at all. They're all just so clunky! I'm constatly re-typing things. Bah.
Anyway, can't stay for long today because I have a History tut to go to. Bye for now. I'll be back soon.
Saturday, 16 May 2009
Pfffffffffffffft
I am posting this at the library because my hard drive crashed last night.
Sigh, yes. I took it to the shop today and they can't find out exactly what's wrong with for 7-9 business days.
If it is the hard drive and it's stuffed then I'll have to get someone to retrieve all my data or buy a new hard drive and lose everything. Losing everything seems to be the cheaper option by about $800.
I didn't realise just how much of my life was on that computer. I really liked that computer too, I felt awful leaving it at the shop. Espeically since I knew there probably wasn't anything they could do and I might lose everything.
I've got all my photos on there, my resume, stories that I haven't finished writing and uni work. I think I'll have to talk to the people at uni because I have History and Politics work due next week.
Well, my session is about to end so I'd best be going and I'll see you all later.
Sigh, yes. I took it to the shop today and they can't find out exactly what's wrong with for 7-9 business days.
If it is the hard drive and it's stuffed then I'll have to get someone to retrieve all my data or buy a new hard drive and lose everything. Losing everything seems to be the cheaper option by about $800.
I didn't realise just how much of my life was on that computer. I really liked that computer too, I felt awful leaving it at the shop. Espeically since I knew there probably wasn't anything they could do and I might lose everything.
I've got all my photos on there, my resume, stories that I haven't finished writing and uni work. I think I'll have to talk to the people at uni because I have History and Politics work due next week.
Well, my session is about to end so I'd best be going and I'll see you all later.
Saturday, 9 May 2009
Baby's first pub crawl
I made notes on the evening (because that's how I do things) and they seem to have got a little less coherent as the night went on.
First off, with my blog in mind, I made a note of some of the arcade games I saw in the corner at pub number one:
"Deer Hunter 2: A hunter meets his match"
"Mars needs cows"
I saw some people playing this one. The aim is to shoot down the flying saucers and save Earth's precious beef. The cows don't seem too bothered by the situation though, they continued to peacefully chew cud as they were lifted by saucer beams to infinity and beyond.
Then I have a quote from some girls who were talking about boyfriends:
"Once you change your facebook status, it's official."
General consensus was that until you've changed your facebook status, none of it really counted one way or the other.
The next few notes are definitely mine but I can't give you much explanation on them:
"No one studies molecular biology"
"9 in the afternoon - unison"
"Dizzy"
A fun night all round, really.
First off, with my blog in mind, I made a note of some of the arcade games I saw in the corner at pub number one:
"Deer Hunter 2: A hunter meets his match"
"Mars needs cows"
I saw some people playing this one. The aim is to shoot down the flying saucers and save Earth's precious beef. The cows don't seem too bothered by the situation though, they continued to peacefully chew cud as they were lifted by saucer beams to infinity and beyond.
Then I have a quote from some girls who were talking about boyfriends:
"Once you change your facebook status, it's official."
General consensus was that until you've changed your facebook status, none of it really counted one way or the other.
The next few notes are definitely mine but I can't give you much explanation on them:
"No one studies molecular biology"
"9 in the afternoon - unison"
"Dizzy"
A fun night all round, really.
Tuesday, 28 April 2009
Identify the main influences of stuff on things
82.
So, I did a tutorial presentation today. I go to show off:
- My Italian accent
- My French accent
- My knowledge of pre-revolutionary France
- My ability to spell and pronounce "bourgeois" correctly
and
- My colour printing skillz
I also got to utilise my improv/making shit up on the spot skillz but that's not really something I can get extra credit for.
So, I did a tutorial presentation today. I go to show off:
- My Italian accent
- My French accent
- My knowledge of pre-revolutionary France
- My ability to spell and pronounce "bourgeois" correctly
and
- My colour printing skillz
I also got to utilise my improv/making shit up on the spot skillz but that's not really something I can get extra credit for.
Saturday, 25 April 2009
Filler
This is my 81st post. That means I'm well on my way to 100 which is verra exciting. But I don't have any amusing anecdotes to sure just now so I thought I'd ask to you all to help me with my To Do List.
I have a mental list going on with all the books I need to read and movies/stage shows I need to see. A few of them are:
-A Clockwork Orange
-To Kill A Mockingbird
-The Reader
-Eyes Wide Shut
- the American version of The Castle (it has subtitles)
-Wicked
-Centrelink: the Musical
but I need your help. What would you recommend? It doesn't have to be great literature (one of my all time favourite films is Van Helsing)
Another thing on my To Do List, which doesn't quite fit into the book/film section, is to find a way to kill facebook. I mean it. Preferably without any far reaching consequences (eg: jail on a murder sentence) but, hey, a world without facebook could be well worth a little sacrifice on my part.
I have a mental list going on with all the books I need to read and movies/stage shows I need to see. A few of them are:
-A Clockwork Orange
-To Kill A Mockingbird
-The Reader
-Eyes Wide Shut
- the American version of The Castle (it has subtitles)
-Wicked
-Centrelink: the Musical
but I need your help. What would you recommend? It doesn't have to be great literature (one of my all time favourite films is Van Helsing)
Another thing on my To Do List, which doesn't quite fit into the book/film section, is to find a way to kill facebook. I mean it. Preferably without any far reaching consequences (eg: jail on a murder sentence) but, hey, a world without facebook could be well worth a little sacrifice on my part.
Wednesday, 22 April 2009
Customer of the Day #7
I don't know how many of you have seen Knowing
But I would recommend that you don't. It's not original or intelligent and by no means is it Nicholas Cage's best work. But people saw it and the session was busy enough that I had to come in to the cinema with an extra bin bag as they were leaving.
Our Customer of the Day goes to the man who, upon seeing my bin bag, asked
"Do you have room for Nicholas Cage in there?"
Unfortunately not.
But the customer who made my day, nay, my week. Was the considerate young man who didn't just put his own rubbish in the bins provided, he collected all the rubbish from his row in a plastic bag to put in the bin. A modern day good Samaratin. :)
But I would recommend that you don't. It's not original or intelligent and by no means is it Nicholas Cage's best work. But people saw it and the session was busy enough that I had to come in to the cinema with an extra bin bag as they were leaving.
Our Customer of the Day goes to the man who, upon seeing my bin bag, asked
"Do you have room for Nicholas Cage in there?"
Unfortunately not.
But the customer who made my day, nay, my week. Was the considerate young man who didn't just put his own rubbish in the bins provided, he collected all the rubbish from his row in a plastic bag to put in the bin. A modern day good Samaratin. :)
Wednesday, 15 April 2009
It was on a piece of paper...
I went to an 18th a few days ago and met lots of new people, socialised, danced, ate and drank.
A few days later I found a piece of paper in the pocket of the pants I was wearing. Apparently I thought it was very important to write down this bit of conversation:
"We need to light something else on fire and put it on top."
According to said piece of paper, it was said by Don Bradman (or someone dressed like him, it was one of those nights).
A few days later I found a piece of paper in the pocket of the pants I was wearing. Apparently I thought it was very important to write down this bit of conversation:
"We need to light something else on fire and put it on top."
According to said piece of paper, it was said by Don Bradman (or someone dressed like him, it was one of those nights).
Wednesday, 8 April 2009
Sunday, 5 April 2009
The antics are back
Do you all remember Crazy Football Fan who never stops talking? Well, to a certain amount of dismay, I found myself rostered to work with him the other day. I had hoped, it being a Friday night, that we would be very busy and co-worker conversations could be kept to a minimum. No. It was one of the quietest Fridays I have ever known and, despite my persistent efforts to avoid him, CFF was always around the next corner, ready to invade your conversations and personal space.
I did, however, manage to get these two golden quotations from him:
(Oh, one other thing you should know about CFF is that he has no volume control. This means that everything he says is not quite a yell, but after a while, has quite an abrasive effect on you. If life were a comic book, his speech bubbles would always be in bold text.)
"Conversations with me are just my voice."
and
"I would high-five practically anything."
I did, however, manage to get these two golden quotations from him:
(Oh, one other thing you should know about CFF is that he has no volume control. This means that everything he says is not quite a yell, but after a while, has quite an abrasive effect on you. If life were a comic book, his speech bubbles would always be in bold text.)
"Conversations with me are just my voice."
and
"I would high-five practically anything."
Sunday, 29 March 2009
Thank you, History class
I went to a quiz night last night. I had sooo much fun (I love quiz nights) and I can safely say that my presence there was needed because the rest of the table was ace at sport questions and I shine in, well... the humanities section.
Q: What was Iosif Vissarionovich Dzhugashvili better known as?
A: Josef Stalin
That's right, 2 years of modern history specialising in the Russian Revolution (and then continuing it in Uni) has not been in vain because I got us 4th place in a quiz night!
Not that I'm going to get picky or anything, but we actually should have won because the teams who beat us all bought bonus points. So pffffffft to them.
Q: What was Iosif Vissarionovich Dzhugashvili better known as?
A: Josef Stalin
That's right, 2 years of modern history specialising in the Russian Revolution (and then continuing it in Uni) has not been in vain because I got us 4th place in a quiz night!
Not that I'm going to get picky or anything, but we actually should have won because the teams who beat us all bought bonus points. So pffffffft to them.
Monday, 9 March 2009
Raincoats
What happened to raincoats? Seriously, they seem to have just disappeared. Which makes me sad because raincoats are fantastic. Just think about it, when has a raincoat ever let you down? Never, that's when. Raincoats keep you warm and dry and looking fantastically gorgeous all at the same. Unlike other items of clothing, they don't need to be washed and hung out to dry, they don't produce balls of fluff, they rarely rip or need patching and we all know they're cool because teddy bears and Madeline wear them. And cats:
Friday, 6 March 2009
Jennifer Aniston
Is not an actress. There we go, I'm just putting it out there. Now, I'm not saying she is bad person, or an ugly person or anything like that. But, to be an actor or actress, there are certain criteria to be fulfilled;
1. One immerses themselves in their role. This means they adopting a characters habits, speaking patterns, facial expressions, etc. Unless every character Jennifer has ever played is exactly the same in all these areas, she's not acting.
2. An actor changes their appearance for different roles. Dressing differently, changing their hair colour or style, applying different makeup and so on. I submit to you,
Jennifer Aniston in "Friends":
Jennifer Aniston in "He's just not that into you"
Jennifer Aniston in "The Break-up"
Jennifer Aniston in "Rumour has it"
Now, just so you can see where I'm coming from, let's compare Jennifer to a real actress.
Meryl Streep in "The Devil Wears Prada"
Meryl Streep in "Mamma Mia"
Meryl Streep in "The Hours"
1. One immerses themselves in their role. This means they adopting a characters habits, speaking patterns, facial expressions, etc. Unless every character Jennifer has ever played is exactly the same in all these areas, she's not acting.
2. An actor changes their appearance for different roles. Dressing differently, changing their hair colour or style, applying different makeup and so on. I submit to you,
Jennifer Aniston in "Friends":
Jennifer Aniston in "He's just not that into you"
Jennifer Aniston in "The Break-up"
Jennifer Aniston in "Rumour has it"
Now, just so you can see where I'm coming from, let's compare Jennifer to a real actress.
Meryl Streep in "The Devil Wears Prada"
Meryl Streep in "Mamma Mia"
Meryl Streep in "The Hours"
Sunday, 1 March 2009
Goodbye childhood
This is my last day before I'm an official uni student. I can just feel my innocence slipping away from me. Uni is different from school, in subtle but important ways;
1. I don't have to go in on Fridays. At all!
2. There's a pub on campus
3. You are allowed to look nice when you get your ID photo taken. This means not having your hair pulled tightly back from your face, being allowed to cover any blemishes with makeup, being able to wear clothes in colours that suit you, not being told to say "jelly beans" by the photographer. (I don't know about the rest of you, but that request always meant I ended up having a withering stare on my student ID photo instead of a friendly, youthful grin.)
4. During Orientation Week we were given a bag of useful things to help us through university life. This included:
- a pamphlet entitled Alcohol and Your Studies
- condoms
- an invitation to the Naughty Back 2 Skool Inferno: Best naughty costume winner scores big!
- information on emergency contraception (this was entitled Oh $#*! "Because $#*! happens... EC is easy to get anytime from your chemist.")
- information on "What to do if you find used syringes" (The underlining was already there, I didn't add it in)
This poor Catholic school girl doesn't know what's hit her.
1. I don't have to go in on Fridays. At all!
2. There's a pub on campus
3. You are allowed to look nice when you get your ID photo taken. This means not having your hair pulled tightly back from your face, being allowed to cover any blemishes with makeup, being able to wear clothes in colours that suit you, not being told to say "jelly beans" by the photographer. (I don't know about the rest of you, but that request always meant I ended up having a withering stare on my student ID photo instead of a friendly, youthful grin.)
4. During Orientation Week we were given a bag of useful things to help us through university life. This included:
- a pamphlet entitled Alcohol and Your Studies
- condoms
- an invitation to the Naughty Back 2 Skool Inferno: Best naughty costume winner scores big!
- information on emergency contraception (this was entitled Oh $#*! "Because $#*! happens... EC is easy to get anytime from your chemist.")
- information on "What to do if you find used syringes" (The underlining was already there, I didn't add it in)
This poor Catholic school girl doesn't know what's hit her.
Monday, 23 February 2009
Answers
The Man at the Pub said...
"OK. Are women allowed to wear open-toed footwear in Oman?"
Yep. There aren't nearly as many restrictions in Oman as there are in Saudi Arabia and Yemen (Oman's closest neighbours). There are some though, while I was there I had to cover legs, shoulders and all the bits in the middle. I would recommend loose clothing to any potential visitors (male and female) but it's not essential.
In the mosque you have to be all covered up (that means a veil for women) we saw a few people not allowed in because they were in 3 quarter pants.
Femikneesm said...
"So this is not an original question, but what were the best and worst things you saw/did?"
Hmm, I think the best thing was undoubtedly the Grand Mosque. The whole place is so incredibly intricate and well designed. It took my breath away. There aren't really any words that would do it justice, so here are a few piccies I took:
The worst is a bit trickier, I didn't care for the TV over there. But I think 90% of TV all over the world is crap anyway so that doesn't say much.
What was quite hard for me to see was the labour force. Oman imports many of its workers from overseas, especially poorer countries. They get paid more than they would
at home but their visas don't include family and I think many of them get quite homesick.
"OK. Are women allowed to wear open-toed footwear in Oman?"
Yep. There aren't nearly as many restrictions in Oman as there are in Saudi Arabia and Yemen (Oman's closest neighbours). There are some though, while I was there I had to cover legs, shoulders and all the bits in the middle. I would recommend loose clothing to any potential visitors (male and female) but it's not essential.
In the mosque you have to be all covered up (that means a veil for women) we saw a few people not allowed in because they were in 3 quarter pants.
Femikneesm said...
"So this is not an original question, but what were the best and worst things you saw/did?"
Hmm, I think the best thing was undoubtedly the Grand Mosque. The whole place is so incredibly intricate and well designed. It took my breath away. There aren't really any words that would do it justice, so here are a few piccies I took:
The worst is a bit trickier, I didn't care for the TV over there. But I think 90% of TV all over the world is crap anyway so that doesn't say much.
What was quite hard for me to see was the labour force. Oman imports many of its workers from overseas, especially poorer countries. They get paid more than they would
at home but their visas don't include family and I think many of them get quite homesick.
Jet lag
I was so proud of myself, I thought I had tackled jet lag head on and won. But here I am at 2:30am and I'm writing a blog. Sigh. This feels familiar.
So, Oman. It really is an awesome place - I've never seen anything like it and I really wish I'd had myself painted while I was there (henna stuff basically) because I feel so different now and I want people to notice something different about me when I walk into a room. Maybe I'll just wear the really cool ring I bought myself all the time so people can say "Where did that come from?" and I can say "Oh, I bought it in a souq in Oman."
The amazing picture just up there, I'm sorry to say, is not one of mine but it does give you a good idea of the place and of how I felt wearing pants. I'll need time to sort through my 757 photos from the 3 week trip before I can post them. So don't worry, they'll be there sooner or later.
One of the best things about the people there: they share my attitude to footwear. i.e.: there should be as little of it as possible and it should not be worn unnecessarily. Just great, I think I've found my people. (I hate covered shoes in hot weather with a passion.)
The only tricky thing here is that I don't really know where to start in my recount. So I think the best thing to do is ask you guys. If you want to know anything about the place or what I did just ask and I'll answer. The nice things about my answers is that I tend to ramble and other stories end up being told in the middle. So we might just get a few good posts out this way.
Monday, 2 February 2009
Customer of the Day #6
This is my first one on Box Office and it is way too good not to share:
"Can I get two adult tickets for Slutty Dog Millionaire?"
Either you've misheard the title or this movie is going to be quite different from what you were expecting...
"Can I get two adult tickets for Slutty Dog Millionaire?"
Either you've misheard the title or this movie is going to be quite different from what you were expecting...
Saturday, 31 January 2009
Sundae Afternoon
I've just had an ice cream party. That's right folks - it seemed like the best thing to do since I wanted to see my friends before leaving the country* and we've had 40+ temperatures for the past few days and will continue to do so for some time into the future. (Adelaide's longest extreme heat wave since 1908).
So we all made our own sundaes. I supplied 3 different ice creams, sprinkles, choc sprinkles, blueberries, strawberries, Kit-Kats, choc wafers, vanilla wafers, whipped cream fizzy drinks (for making spiders) and I made two-layered jelly. I felt like such a good hostess - a real one too, from the '50s.
This party may not have fulfilled the same the checkpoints as Zosia's ( ) but, for a party sans-alcohol, I think these make it fairly impressive:
1. Someone who has just been promoted to manager of a fast food "restaurant" faked sick to be there.
2. Someone else poured whipped cream on their chest (then added wafers and blueberries which fell off)
3. We drank coconut milk from a coconut shell.
4. The dishwasher was completely filled from party dishes alone. (No one in this house has even had dinner yet).
5. You (the host) are given a giant jar of Vegemite as a going away present.
*What? Didn't I tell you? Well, I'm going to Oman for three weeks.
So we all made our own sundaes. I supplied 3 different ice creams, sprinkles, choc sprinkles, blueberries, strawberries, Kit-Kats, choc wafers, vanilla wafers, whipped cream fizzy drinks (for making spiders) and I made two-layered jelly. I felt like such a good hostess - a real one too, from the '50s.
This party may not have fulfilled the same the checkpoints as Zosia's ( ) but, for a party sans-alcohol, I think these make it fairly impressive:
1. Someone who has just been promoted to manager of a fast food "restaurant" faked sick to be there.
2. Someone else poured whipped cream on their chest (then added wafers and blueberries which fell off)
3. We drank coconut milk from a coconut shell.
4. The dishwasher was completely filled from party dishes alone. (No one in this house has even had dinner yet).
5. You (the host) are given a giant jar of Vegemite as a going away present.
*What? Didn't I tell you? Well, I'm going to Oman for three weeks.
Sunday, 25 January 2009
Quick review
Since there's not a lot I can blog about in my own life at the moment (aside from my killer sunburn which isn't particularly interesting) I'm going to do a quick review of the movies playing at my place of work.
Bedtime Stories This is staring Adam Sandler so we're already off to a bad start. The fact it's rated G amazes me given all the oh-so-subtle references to things of a sexual nature. It does have a few things working in its favour though; we get to see Adam Sandler get hit by a fireball and there is a hamster with large, comical eyes... and, that's it.
Bride Wars Now this one I just know Femmy would love. Two best friends, both are each others' maids-of-honour, but their weddings are booked on the same day and a sneaky bitch fest ensues. I give the writers a bit of credit for at least coming up with a story line that hasn't been done to death, there are also a few decent one-liners but the whole thing feels a bit over the top. That said, if you just want some cheap laughs, nothing too sentimental or thought provoking then this one gets a gold star.
Madagascar 2 The penguins are awesome, they rock the suburbs as does King Julian (played by Sacha Baron Cohen) but too much of the movie's focus is on the lion, giraffe, hippo and zebra for my liking.
Marely and Me A rather sentimental film about a family dog. Some decent funny bits but Jennifer Aniston kind of annoys me outside of Friends. For me, this one falls between the basic two catagories of movies; 'Worth Seeing on an Intellectual Level' and 'Good For a Few Light Laughs' so I can't heartily recommend it.
Revolutionary Road Finally, something decent! Well acted, well directed, appropriate music and good costuming. This one seems to be lacking nothing, unless of course you are the woman who sat next to me in the cinema who laughed through her nose at the most inappropriate moments and exclaimed "What?!" as the credits started. I loved this one but maybe it's a bit too subtle for some.
Seven Pounds This is the movie the lady mentioned up there ^ should have seen. It pretends, rather convincingly, to be a movie 'Worth Seeing on an Intellectual Level' but things are spelled out enough so that no one gets left behind.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button I know people will disagree with me on this one but, to me, Benjamin Button is another try hard intellectual film and very long. (Clocks in at almost 3 hours) I don't understand everyone's great desire to see it, especially since most of them ask for a ticket to "The Curious Case of What's-his-name".
Yes Man Falls very nicely into the 'Good For a Few Light Laughs' category. The storyline is fun and Jim Carey makes me lol (possibly even rofl). This film is nothing deep and meaningful but that's OK because it doesn't need to be. It's like Liar Liar but with fewer squirm worthy sexual references.
We have one or two others showing that I can't really comment on because I haven't seen them yet; Slumdog Millionaire and Valkyrie both look like they'd be excellent and Bolt looks a bit silly but I assume there'd be some funny bits here and there. (Possibly Valkyrie looks appealing to me because Eddie Izzard is in it but that's no reason to turn it down) ;)
Bedtime Stories This is staring Adam Sandler so we're already off to a bad start. The fact it's rated G amazes me given all the oh-so-subtle references to things of a sexual nature. It does have a few things working in its favour though; we get to see Adam Sandler get hit by a fireball and there is a hamster with large, comical eyes... and, that's it.
Bride Wars Now this one I just know Femmy would love. Two best friends, both are each others' maids-of-honour, but their weddings are booked on the same day and a sneaky bitch fest ensues. I give the writers a bit of credit for at least coming up with a story line that hasn't been done to death, there are also a few decent one-liners but the whole thing feels a bit over the top. That said, if you just want some cheap laughs, nothing too sentimental or thought provoking then this one gets a gold star.
Madagascar 2 The penguins are awesome, they rock the suburbs as does King Julian (played by Sacha Baron Cohen) but too much of the movie's focus is on the lion, giraffe, hippo and zebra for my liking.
Marely and Me A rather sentimental film about a family dog. Some decent funny bits but Jennifer Aniston kind of annoys me outside of Friends. For me, this one falls between the basic two catagories of movies; 'Worth Seeing on an Intellectual Level' and 'Good For a Few Light Laughs' so I can't heartily recommend it.
Revolutionary Road Finally, something decent! Well acted, well directed, appropriate music and good costuming. This one seems to be lacking nothing, unless of course you are the woman who sat next to me in the cinema who laughed through her nose at the most inappropriate moments and exclaimed "What?!" as the credits started. I loved this one but maybe it's a bit too subtle for some.
Seven Pounds This is the movie the lady mentioned up there ^ should have seen. It pretends, rather convincingly, to be a movie 'Worth Seeing on an Intellectual Level' but things are spelled out enough so that no one gets left behind.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button I know people will disagree with me on this one but, to me, Benjamin Button is another try hard intellectual film and very long. (Clocks in at almost 3 hours) I don't understand everyone's great desire to see it, especially since most of them ask for a ticket to "The Curious Case of What's-his-name".
Yes Man Falls very nicely into the 'Good For a Few Light Laughs' category. The storyline is fun and Jim Carey makes me lol (possibly even rofl). This film is nothing deep and meaningful but that's OK because it doesn't need to be. It's like Liar Liar but with fewer squirm worthy sexual references.
We have one or two others showing that I can't really comment on because I haven't seen them yet; Slumdog Millionaire and Valkyrie both look like they'd be excellent and Bolt looks a bit silly but I assume there'd be some funny bits here and there. (Possibly Valkyrie looks appealing to me because Eddie Izzard is in it but that's no reason to turn it down) ;)
Monday, 12 January 2009
News
The latest piece of newstainment, is that I am back and being creative! Just look at this, folks, I now have a stylish new bag to go with any outfit and all for under 50 dollars!
I made the bag from an inside-out skirt I found in an op-shop.
...
Belt: 50 cents
Skirt: $1
Pockets: Free (from my mother's scrap bag)
Extra costs: 2 hours spent negotiating with the sewing machine
I made the bag from an inside-out skirt I found in an op-shop.
...
Belt: 50 cents
Skirt: $1
Pockets: Free (from my mother's scrap bag)
Extra costs: 2 hours spent negotiating with the sewing machine
Saturday, 3 January 2009
Good news
I've been officially promoted! As of next week I get to sit down on a cushy chair for my whole shift and sell tickets that cost less than a medium combo.
Customer of the Day #4 and #5
That's right fans; two in one day! (Well technically 3)
The first one is short and sweet and (hopefully) from a mother of a toddler.
It is not uncommon for people to wander by and need to use our toilets. I have no problem with this (nor does anyone else there) so we always let them in.
Mother of toddler: "Excuse me, can we go in for wee-wees?"
Me: "Um, sure. Toilets are just down there."
~~~~~
The second is a bit longer and came from two young men whom I shall name Wanker1 and Wanker2. (They weren't quite up to bogan standards.)
Wanker1: (after walking into, and knocking over, the Bolt standee) "Hey can I have this?"
Me: "No."
Wanker1: "Aaaw. Why not?"
Me: "Because the movie hasn't come out yet. We need it here. But you might be able to come back and get it once the movie's finished."
Wanker2: "Can I have that?"
Me: "The bin?"
Wanker2: "Yeah, can I have it?"
Me: "No."
Wanker2: (pointing to a TV screen on the wall) "Well, can I have that?"
Me: "That's permanent. It needs to stay here."
Wanker1: "I'll just take this then."
Me: "No, I will be needing that pen."
You know what the best part is? They were not kidding. Both these guys had quite, for want of a better word, earnest faces and it was quite clear they weren't joking.
The first one is short and sweet and (hopefully) from a mother of a toddler.
It is not uncommon for people to wander by and need to use our toilets. I have no problem with this (nor does anyone else there) so we always let them in.
Mother of toddler: "Excuse me, can we go in for wee-wees?"
Me: "Um, sure. Toilets are just down there."
~~~~~
The second is a bit longer and came from two young men whom I shall name Wanker1 and Wanker2. (They weren't quite up to bogan standards.)
Wanker1: (after walking into, and knocking over, the Bolt standee) "Hey can I have this?"
Me: "No."
Wanker1: "Aaaw. Why not?"
Me: "Because the movie hasn't come out yet. We need it here. But you might be able to come back and get it once the movie's finished."
Wanker2: "Can I have that?"
Me: "The bin?"
Wanker2: "Yeah, can I have it?"
Me: "No."
Wanker2: (pointing to a TV screen on the wall) "Well, can I have that?"
Me: "That's permanent. It needs to stay here."
Wanker1: "I'll just take this then."
Me: "No, I will be needing that pen."
You know what the best part is? They were not kidding. Both these guys had quite, for want of a better word, earnest faces and it was quite clear they weren't joking.
Thursday, 1 January 2009
Happy New Year
Hope it's a good one for you all. I'm planning to enjoy this one a lot (especially when all those Back To School sales start appearing).
I went to a New Year's Eve party last night and it was less than spectacular. But we did start 2009 by dancing the Time Warp which was both fun and ironic. The fireworks went for about 15 minutes and the bus I took home was quite full. I wore my glow sticks all night.
That's about all the detail I can be bothered with just now.
Happy 2009 and peace out.
I went to a New Year's Eve party last night and it was less than spectacular. But we did start 2009 by dancing the Time Warp which was both fun and ironic. The fireworks went for about 15 minutes and the bus I took home was quite full. I wore my glow sticks all night.
That's about all the detail I can be bothered with just now.
Happy 2009 and peace out.
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