Tuesday, 28 October 2008

Job Satisfsction

You know what I love about my job? It's like school but with the boring/difficult bits taken out. No homework, no detentions, no uniform inspections and no exams- that alone should make it pretty darn cool, not to mention the added bonus of being paid to watch movies.

But what I love, really love, are the gossip sessions. Everyone does this in school; you talk about a teacher or a student you both know and weigh up whether you like them or not based on their hair, any physical oddities they may posses, their attitude towards you and others, what they wear on casual days, how well they perform in particular subjects, what subjects they do, their vocabulary, whether they act their age and if they posses a way of making all their shortcomings adorable (or, in some cases, make their attributes annoying). Factors vary depending on the person and how you judge them but the basic premise is always there and makes dull afternoons pass in a blink.
Sometimes both parties involved in the conversation already have a fixed idea about whether they like the subject or not and this then makes the conversation less of a discussion and more of a one sided argument which is equally fun.

We do this all the time at my work, it's great and works best if the person you're talking about has just finished their shift. I may sound like a heartless and judgmental person for taking such pleasure in this but you all know you're guilty of it; it's the backbone of blogging after all.

Anyway, just thought I'd share the findings of my last conversation of this nature; Crazy Football Fan is also a sexual harasser and is on his second warning from management. Yay.

Saturday, 11 October 2008

An open letter

Dear SSABSA (aka Super Sadistic Alliance of Bitches and Sons-of-bitches Australia),

I have a bone to pick with you. I have had this bone for quite some time, all year in fact, and now the time has come to verbalise my sufferings.

Your system is ****ed. It could not be more convoluted if the whole process was determined by a group of cowboys who passed whichever rule their tobacco spit landed on. The bureaucracy is mind boggling; when I learned that I had to hand up my essay with the staple on a 45-degree angle I thought my teacher was kidding. She was not.

Your “study guides” are awful, horrible, disgusting and unachievable. How on earth do you expect anyone to be studying for exams before they have learnt what will be in them? The drawings attached to these guides make my face hurt. With all the money you make in trafficking human misery you should be able to afford an illustrator with a basic understanding of human anatomy. Also, filling pages with generic clipart images does not make the content of those pages any more appealing.

Your website has clearly been designed with the intent of making every 17 and 18 year old across the nation go bald because they are all ripping their hair out in frustration. Are you jealous of our flowing locks? Because if this is the case, SSABSA, you are handling it in a very immature manner and I implore you to reconsider your actions. I caught onto the futility of the website early on in the year and have still lost at least a week’s worth of study time attempting to make sense of the maze you have constructed in which every single page leads back to that **** SSABSA art show. That’s the last thing any of us are thinking about. (Even the art students do not want to look at it.)

I could go on, SSABSA, about your evident disregard for education and your association with Self-esteem Crushers R Us but I would prefer not to think about these depressing facts.

In closing, please be mindful that causing the intentional suffering of others, as you are doing, is most severely punished by the United Nations and Karma. Not wanting to involve either of these higher powers just yet, I will be doling out my own form of divine retribution in the form of rotten eggs, broken windows and … other things.

Thursday, 2 October 2008

Customer of the Day

"Hi, do you allow live chickens in the cinema?"

Wednesday, 1 October 2008

The 7 Steps of Customer Service

1. Greet the customer (or call them over if they look like they're trying to walk past the Candy Bar without buying anything)

2. Take the customer's order

3. Suggestive sell/ Up sell (ie: make them buy more than they need and contribute to the obesity levels of the country. We all have to do our bit.)

4. Get the stuff they have ordered* and arrange on the counter in the correct order: 1. Popcorn 2. Drinks 3. Lollies 4. Ice cream

5. Repeat their order to the customer and tell them the price (this often where one hears cries of "What?!" or "$13 for popcorn and Maltesers?" or the old favourite "Mum, can I borrow some money?")

6. Take their money and count back the change

7. Say good bye and wish them a good day

*This is worded more professionally in the training booklet but I couldn't find that today ... possibly I have burned it or dropped it in the Coke syrup. Possibly.