Inducted and proud

So, I had my induction at the supermarket today* and filled out lots and lots of paperwork (a considerably large amount of it with yesterday's date, which I didn't realise until we'd finished most of it. But I'm not too worried because I know no one will actually check this stuff unless I'm caught doing illegal stuff and they want to bring out some papers to wave at me.)

As well as paperwork, we watched videos! It felt exactly like those lessons at school when the teacher can't be bothered making a lesson plan, so they stick on a crappy old video then make you write a report on it. Thankfully we're not required to right reports. But we did have to sign various forms saying that we'd seen the videos and understood and so one, so forth.

The videos are really terrible. I mean really terrible. These things make Jennifer Aniston look good.

But I knew I had to take notes when I heard the one on electricity, the intro went a little something like this:

"Electricity is a wonderful thing; it helps us with all kinds of daily tasks - at home and in the workplace. It's all around us and offers many conveniences. It lights our rooms, cools our food, powers our computers and so much more. If you touch if you'll die."

The video went on to talk about double adapters (or should I say "bringers of burnination"). We saw a roleplay concerning these objects and, my goodness gracious me, it was so lifelike! I felt like I was really there, feeling the conflict between the characters. For I could see that the kettle was a symbol of their love, a love which could never flourish because there simply was not room. This big ol' world doesn't want kettles getting too close to toasters... a flame could erupt! (A flame of passion!)

But I cannot do this scene justice on my own. I have to share it with you;

(Woman approaches with kettle but notices the electrical socket is full.)
Woman: Oh, I'd better get a double adapter.

Man: No! You can't use double adapters, they're not safe!

Woman: Oh, that's true. I know someone who use a double adapter and they had a fire. I'd better not use the kettle.

Man: No, we just need to find a safe way to use the kettle.
(Man unplugs the toaster to allow Woman to plug in the kettle)

Woman: Wow, easy.


* * *

I also learned about "power fingers"** and the various cleaning chemicals. Each cleaning chemical is "identifiable by its colour"... except I couldn't help but notice that two different chemicals are colour coded brown. How on earth will I be able to tell the difference? Seriously folks, I'm worried. I'm also worried that the video gave the impression we could only identify them by their colours. But I would have thought that their label which says the name of chemical and what it does might give you a hint. Apparently not. And now we're stuck with two browns. Tsk tsk.

That's about all for now. I'll let you know how my first real shift goes when that happens.


*It occurs to me that, from now on, I can't just talk about "work", I'll have to say "the cinema" or "the supermarket".

** From the hour long video on how to lift things. I didn't know you could spend an hour on that, but there you go. Lifting.

"Jinx" that's the word I should've used in Scrabble...

Would you believe that, actually, I didn't jinx anything at all?

I got a call today to say that, not only have I got that job, but the reason they took so long getting back to me is because they didn't have enough spaces available. However, I was just too awesome an applicant to pass up and so they've given me a spot anyway!

I suppose, technically, what this means is that I have caused a supermarket to be overstaffed with my powers of awesome. Which, in turn, means that I am stickin' it to the Man... just by having a job and getting paid. Yay capitalism!* An economic system so convoluted it is possible to undermine it and benefit from it at the same time... why, yes, that does sound familiar...

I look forward to sharing all these new crazy customers with you. What adventures await, only time may tell...



*Not a sentence I say often, as you can imagine.

Can I 'ave spam instead then? #3

Golden, golden flotspam for you today:

Rosalva Uranga: Grand plan. How to conquer world

Need any more be said?

Oh deary, deary me

For this to really work, I'll need to give you some background information on my workplace:

Contrary to popular belief, movie tickets do not just magically appear. Nor do they appear from magical, shiny computers made within the last decade. Where their conception actually takes place is under a bench* from three pieces of technology, all from different eras, but all with a general "oldness" about them. There's the screen, the hard drive** and the printer.

The hard drive is not in its prime. If it had a personality it would be a bald man whose comb-over doesn't quite reach the other side and who wears brown, polyester blend cardigans.*** Nonetheless, it's an important bit of equipment. It is, in fact, the most important bit of equipment we have (besides the projectors) and so you would think we'd take good care of it.

We do not.

But I hadn't realised the extent of our neglect until today. I needed to move the hard drive forward bit to fix up the cords at the back. But it seemed to be stuck... how odd. I got one of the guys to help me because they are both naturally strong and good with computers****. But he couldn't movie it either.

Finally we dislodged poor Mr Hard-drive and found out what the problem was... coke syrup.

The most important (albeit personality deprived) piece of equipment there had been fused to its shelf with coke syrup! And this was old syrup too, I could tell by the smell.

Is there something in the Oc Health Safety guidelines about mixing computers with liquid? Especially sticky liquid.

* Which is held together by blue-tack and sheer will power from Head Office because they're too cheap to give us a new bench.
** I'm fairly sure it's a hard drive. But we tend to refer to it as "the computery thing".
*** So, ironically enough, if it had a personality it would also have no personality.
**** Not as much of a stereotype as you might think because that statement is pretty much true for all the male employees I work with. I wonder if it's been planned that way...

I jinxed it

What I was talking about in my last post was that I might be getting a new job. But I didn't get it, which is a pity because I imagine the chances for crazy customers are increased ten-fold as a checkout chick.

How exciting!

I don't want to jinx anything, so I'm not telling you the full details just yet. But I may need to change my 'About Me' in the next few weeks. Depends on whether I get a phone call...

(Sorry for the cliff-hanger, everyone. But I'll update you as soon as things are certain.)

Can I 'ave spam instead then? #2

I'm so glad I've found a useful thing to do with spam.

This one, my favourite, is a from "Vicky Fuqua" and I must say I'm very impressed with her ingenuity. I mean, bringing the reader in with a question is a tried and true method of spammers but I love the innocent nature of this one; "Saw my sunglasses?"

(It's actually rather refreshing to get something in my spam box that doesn't ask me if I want a bigger penis. I was almost tempted to read it.)

Second place goes to "Shirlee Osumybar" simply because I like her name. Although, her subject matter "Based on this crap" should not go unnoticed.

Then, lastly I'd like to give an honourable mention to "Dr.Jin Chung" who sent me "YOUR TRANSACTION DETAILS". I like a doctor who knows that shouting at people is the best way to convince them you're legit.