An open letter

Dear SSABSA (aka Super Sadistic Alliance of Bitches and Sons-of-bitches Australia),

I have a bone to pick with you. I have had this bone for quite some time, all year in fact, and now the time has come to verbalise my sufferings.

Your system is ****ed. It could not be more convoluted if the whole process was determined by a group of cowboys who passed whichever rule their tobacco spit landed on. The bureaucracy is mind boggling; when I learned that I had to hand up my essay with the staple on a 45-degree angle I thought my teacher was kidding. She was not.

Your “study guides” are awful, horrible, disgusting and unachievable. How on earth do you expect anyone to be studying for exams before they have learnt what will be in them? The drawings attached to these guides make my face hurt. With all the money you make in trafficking human misery you should be able to afford an illustrator with a basic understanding of human anatomy. Also, filling pages with generic clipart images does not make the content of those pages any more appealing.

Your website has clearly been designed with the intent of making every 17 and 18 year old across the nation go bald because they are all ripping their hair out in frustration. Are you jealous of our flowing locks? Because if this is the case, SSABSA, you are handling it in a very immature manner and I implore you to reconsider your actions. I caught onto the futility of the website early on in the year and have still lost at least a week’s worth of study time attempting to make sense of the maze you have constructed in which every single page leads back to that **** SSABSA art show. That’s the last thing any of us are thinking about. (Even the art students do not want to look at it.)

I could go on, SSABSA, about your evident disregard for education and your association with Self-esteem Crushers R Us but I would prefer not to think about these depressing facts.

In closing, please be mindful that causing the intentional suffering of others, as you are doing, is most severely punished by the United Nations and Karma. Not wanting to involve either of these higher powers just yet, I will be doling out my own form of divine retribution in the form of rotten eggs, broken windows and … other things.