I am trying so hard to be the perfect exchange student. I really am. Because I know from experience how bad it can be from the host family’s perspective with... imperfect excahnge students.
So, I have not been using their phone at all, I have not asked them to buy me things or take me places, I’ve tried not to turf people off the telly or the computer (I use these things only when they’re free), I don’t play music too loudly, I’m polite, I help with setting the table and cleaning up and other odd jobs, I have not yelled at the dog and I did not even say anything when it bit me.
BUT this has not worked it seems. I am far from the perfect excahnge student because I am not intergrating into the Italian culture. Despite the fact I go to Italian school, talk to the students and teachers here, have made friends and gone out with them a few times.

I haven’t been doing enough with the family. I found this out on Christmas Eve when I said I didn’t really want to go with them to a party because I was not feeling well. (I have a cold and I can’t breathe and eat at the same time. My bones feel tired and I fall asleep as soon as my body becomes vertical. I thought it would be fair enough.) No. What I thought of as being polite and not being a burden on people when they want to go out with friends was actually me living in my own world and not absorbing the Italian culture.

I am trying so hard here. But the fact is, I found social situations difficult at the best of times when I don’t know anyone. When I also don’t speak the same language as the rest of the people at these social places it makes me a little nauseous.

When I was little and I’d go to parties with my family I used to get a plastic cup of chips or pretzels and one of lemonade and hide under the stairs until my supplies ran out. I had the best time under those stairs, I was never once unhappy. What did make me unhappy was being forced to talk to all the grownups at these parties who would ask “So what year are you in at school?” to start the conversation. After answering this you can’t really ask the same question in return since they’re obviously not in school, it’s rather difficult to find a question to relate to this for the same reason.

As I’ve grown, it’s become a little easier meeting new people but I still don’t really enjoy it. I know also, that what would happen is that I would end up clinging to my host sister and she would just want to be with her friends. So, I have been to a couple of parties with her but I thought it would be nicer for all concerned if I did my own thing and let her do hers.
My host mother apparently doesn’t agree and thinks I have a very negative attitude to it all. So I went to the Christmas Eve party, in spite of my cold, and spent most of it with my host sister.
While it’s never tortuous to got to these parties where I feel to embarressed about my Italian to start a conversation with anyone, it’s uncomfortable and I tend to just sit there for most of the night and I find it a relief when it’s time to go.

It hurt a bit to find out I’m not doing things right and I tried to explain why I am this way but I don’t think they quite understood. It was hard also because I heard my host mother talking on the phone to my real mother in Australia the day before and saying waht a wonderful student I’ve been and how nice, etc, etc. So am I doing other things wrong too and they just haven’t told me? I don’t know if I want to ask because I might cry, which I loathe to do in front of people I’m not close to, and it would probably be just thought of as homesickness.

Sorry about the bitching session ladies and gents, I just needed a bit of a vent. Thanks for reading.

PS: Sorry for any typos, I’m still getting used to this keyboard.