I don't want to jinx anything, so I'm not telling you the full details just yet. But I may need to change my 'About Me' in the next few weeks. Depends on whether I get a phone call...
(Sorry for the cliff-hanger, everyone. But I'll update you as soon as things are certain.)
Thursday, 15 October 2009
Tuesday, 13 October 2009
Can I 'ave spam instead then? #2
I'm so glad I've found a useful thing to do with spam.
This one, my favourite, is a from "Vicky Fuqua" and I must say I'm very impressed with her ingenuity. I mean, bringing the reader in with a question is a tried and true method of spammers but I love the innocent nature of this one; "Saw my sunglasses?"
(It's actually rather refreshing to get something in my spam box that doesn't ask me if I want a bigger penis. I was almost tempted to read it.)
Second place goes to "Shirlee Osumybar" simply because I like her name. Although, her subject matter "Based on this crap" should not go unnoticed.
Then, lastly I'd like to give an honourable mention to "Dr.Jin Chung" who sent me "YOUR TRANSACTION DETAILS". I like a doctor who knows that shouting at people is the best way to convince them you're legit.
This one, my favourite, is a from "Vicky Fuqua" and I must say I'm very impressed with her ingenuity. I mean, bringing the reader in with a question is a tried and true method of spammers but I love the innocent nature of this one; "Saw my sunglasses?"
(It's actually rather refreshing to get something in my spam box that doesn't ask me if I want a bigger penis. I was almost tempted to read it.)
Second place goes to "Shirlee Osumybar" simply because I like her name. Although, her subject matter "Based on this crap" should not go unnoticed.
Then, lastly I'd like to give an honourable mention to "Dr.Jin Chung" who sent me "YOUR TRANSACTION DETAILS". I like a doctor who knows that shouting at people is the best way to convince them you're legit.
Saturday, 3 October 2009
A public service announcement
When you go to see a movie in 3D, you receive a pair of 3D glasses. Great, excellent, everybody's happy.
When your 3D movie experience is finished, you don't want to hang onto those cheap, plastic glasses, do you? No, of course not! You're a busy human being with children hanging off arms demanding love and/or attention.
So, with this particular problem in mind, we have created a box. It's a wonderful box into which you can place your 3D glasses and allow them to be recycled. You get rid of the glasses and can help save the planet. Yay!
Now, just to be clear, the box with the giant picture of the 3D glasses, much like the ones you are currently holding and with a big sign on top that says "Recycle your 3D glasses here" is the box that you put the glasses in. Yes, it's strange, I know. But, instead of getting all caught up in the sense and mechanics of the situation, let's just assume that this is, in fact, the place to be putting the glasses.
I promise, nothing bad will happen if you just drop the glasses in there. You don't need to double check this with the cinema staff who are patiently waiting for you to just hurry up and leave. Promise. The box knows what it's talking about.
Further to this point; the correct place to put your rubbish is in the rubbish bin. Now I know that the rubbish bin doesn't have a sign on it, telling you just what to do. But surely you've grasped the concept by this stage? If not, maybe you could put your rubbish in the rubbish bag being held out towards you by one of the helpful staff members who are saying "Rubbish? Any rubbish, you can put it in here," over and over again while gesturing towards the bag.
So, glasses go in the box with the picture of the glasses on it. Rubbish goes in the rubbish bin. Not the other way around.
Has everyone got that? Good.
When your 3D movie experience is finished, you don't want to hang onto those cheap, plastic glasses, do you? No, of course not! You're a busy human being with children hanging off arms demanding love and/or attention.
So, with this particular problem in mind, we have created a box. It's a wonderful box into which you can place your 3D glasses and allow them to be recycled. You get rid of the glasses and can help save the planet. Yay!
Now, just to be clear, the box with the giant picture of the 3D glasses, much like the ones you are currently holding and with a big sign on top that says "Recycle your 3D glasses here" is the box that you put the glasses in. Yes, it's strange, I know. But, instead of getting all caught up in the sense and mechanics of the situation, let's just assume that this is, in fact, the place to be putting the glasses.
I promise, nothing bad will happen if you just drop the glasses in there. You don't need to double check this with the cinema staff who are patiently waiting for you to just hurry up and leave. Promise. The box knows what it's talking about.
Further to this point; the correct place to put your rubbish is in the rubbish bin. Now I know that the rubbish bin doesn't have a sign on it, telling you just what to do. But surely you've grasped the concept by this stage? If not, maybe you could put your rubbish in the rubbish bag being held out towards you by one of the helpful staff members who are saying "Rubbish? Any rubbish, you can put it in here," over and over again while gesturing towards the bag.
So, glasses go in the box with the picture of the glasses on it. Rubbish goes in the rubbish bin. Not the other way around.
Has everyone got that? Good.
99... a hundered!
I'd been thinking I'd have a Customer of the Day for my 100th post but then an amazing thing happened and it was too good not to tell you about. So, in celebration of my centennial, I would like to introduce a new segment to my blog which I like to call...
Can I 'ave spam instead then?
In which I relay the hilarious flotsam and jetsam of the interweb which I find lodged in the six-pack holder that is my spam folder.
Today's flotsam is from "Brenton Hesser" who tells me "We-rape-blondes! 1day-free"
Well, that's just dandy, Brenton. Thank you for sharing. A spamming prize pack is on its way and you should receive your baked beans and spam in 8 - 12 business days.
Can I 'ave spam instead then?
In which I relay the hilarious flotsam and jetsam of the interweb which I find lodged in the six-pack holder that is my spam folder.
Today's flotsam is from "Brenton Hesser" who tells me "We-rape-blondes! 1day-free"
Well, that's just dandy, Brenton. Thank you for sharing. A spamming prize pack is on its way and you should receive your baked beans and spam in 8 - 12 business days.
Friday, 25 September 2009
Why didn't I think of that before?
This is not a specific story today, just a little update and clarification. The update part is that, not long after Zosia found herself a Tall Boy, I found a boy too! (It must be the coming of Spring)
I didn't post about it at the time because I felt, in order to be mentioned in a blog, one needs a nickname. But I couldn't think of one, so I just left it. Then it occurred to me over breakfast that he already had a nickname and, fittingly, Zosia give it to him; Mr Flame.
I feel rather silly saying it (and even sillier typing it) but there you go, it works well. Should I explain why it works well? I suppose I should because otherwise you'll get the idea I'm going out this handsome young thing:
My own Mr Flame is one of those people you're likely to see at the circus or Fringe shows doing this:
except that, you know, he's otherwise quite a normal person.
So now, if ever I need to post a story about him, he has a an alias. What fun!
PS: My next post will be my 100th! The pressure's on now to make it a good one...
I didn't post about it at the time because I felt, in order to be mentioned in a blog, one needs a nickname. But I couldn't think of one, so I just left it. Then it occurred to me over breakfast that he already had a nickname and, fittingly, Zosia give it to him; Mr Flame.
I feel rather silly saying it (and even sillier typing it) but there you go, it works well. Should I explain why it works well? I suppose I should because otherwise you'll get the idea I'm going out this handsome young thing:
My own Mr Flame is one of those people you're likely to see at the circus or Fringe shows doing this:
except that, you know, he's otherwise quite a normal person.
So now, if ever I need to post a story about him, he has a an alias. What fun!
PS: My next post will be my 100th! The pressure's on now to make it a good one...
Friday, 21 August 2009
What is the world coming to...
... when only one person, besides me, in my tutorial knew what the word 'satire' meant? And that one person was the teacher.
... when someone needs to ask for help in the post office because they're not sure which side of the envelope to write on or whether they need to use stamps.
... when university students need to ask what 'First Person' and 'Third Person' mean.
... when someone needs to ask for help in the post office because they're not sure which side of the envelope to write on or whether they need to use stamps.
... when university students need to ask what 'First Person' and 'Third Person' mean.
Sunday, 9 August 2009
Customer of the day #11
Scene:
A girl and a boy arrive at the candy bar. It's clearly a very busy night and the girl behind the counter is looking tired and frazzled.
Girl customer: Hi, can we have a large... (turns to her boyfriend)
Boy customer: Yeah, whatever.
Girl customer: OK. One of those please.
(pause)
NG: So... did you want a large combo?
Girl customer: Confused expression No, we just wanted a large coke.
NG: Right, of course.
___
My fault really, I left all my mind reading equipment at home.
___
Edit: You remember my very first customer of the day? (The one who asked about live chickens in the cinema) Well, last night I served a woman who looked like a chicken. She even had a feathery jumper on.
A girl and a boy arrive at the candy bar. It's clearly a very busy night and the girl behind the counter is looking tired and frazzled.
Girl customer: Hi, can we have a large... (turns to her boyfriend)
Boy customer: Yeah, whatever.
Girl customer: OK. One of those please.
(pause)
NG: So... did you want a large combo?
Girl customer: Confused expression No, we just wanted a large coke.
NG: Right, of course.
___
My fault really, I left all my mind reading equipment at home.
___
Edit: You remember my very first customer of the day? (The one who asked about live chickens in the cinema) Well, last night I served a woman who looked like a chicken. She even had a feathery jumper on.
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