A nerd and her glasses

Customer of the Day #16

2010-08-09T11:32:00.002+09:30

I was selling tickets the other day and a woman came up with a voucher she wanted to use. I had a quick look and noticed it was for another cinema.

Me: I'm sorry, this is for (Cinema A) and we're (Cinema B), it won't work in our system.

Customer: Oh... but aren't you (Cinema C)?

Me: No... but it wouldn't help if we were. This voucher is for (Cinema A).

Freudian slip of the day

2010-06-16T19:51:00.003+09:30

"Can I have two tickets to Princess of Percy?"

Short changed - SA edition

2010-06-06T17:28:00.003+09:30

I am serving a middle aged couple who have only bought a few small things.

Me: Would you like a bag for these?

Customer: Yes, of course. (she sees me scanning the bag) What are you doing that for? Don't you provide bags?

Me: We have a law in South Australia that says we can't give bags out for free anymore. These are just 15 cents, but I could leave it out if you like.

Customer: huffily No, we need it. How long has this been going on?

Me: Um, about a year and half?

Customer's husband: It sort of puts you off coming to South Australia doesn't it?

Me: quite pleasantly Well it does mean we don't have so many plastic bags in our streets.

Customer:Well, I come from Melbourne and we don't have any plastic bags on our streets.

---

I'm sorry? Did you say 'Melbourne' in the same sentence as 'no plastic bags'? Had I been a bit quicker witted, I could have told them that by returning two bottles or cans to the recycling plant they would make their money back plus a 25% bonus - another thing they don't have in Melbourne - but, oh well.

Discoveries

2010-03-30T21:43:00.002+10:30

The best discovery I made at work this week:
Finding the lunch I left from my last shift, still in the fridge the next day

The worst discovery I made at work this week:
I have to wear bunny ears from now until Easter is over

Can I 'ave spam instead then? #7

2010-03-22T22:52:00.000+10:30

Lately all I've been getting in my spam folder is ads for viagra. If I had a penis and it was having trouble getting up, then this would be very handy - I might even be tempted to buy it from someone who can't spell "drugstore" correctly. (If I was getting desperate.)

So, it came as a nice surprise to hear from...
Kate Cohen

on the very optimistic and equally inclusive topic that is:
Diplomas for everybody!

So me

2010-03-22T22:40:00.001+10:30

I just told my Mum about how I was so tired the other night that, with very little memory of what had happened in the lead up, I woke up and found myself lying on the bathroom mat, fully clothed.
Her response: "Oh, that is so you."

I'm not quite sure how I should take that. Does this mean my mother thinks it's normal for me to pass out in the middle of the floor? Or does she just think I'm so zen that I can discard the artificial comforts of this mortal coil so easily?

Up until now I would have thought it was, kind of, not me. But now my whole perception of self has been thrown in to doubt.

I see someone else has cottened on to this idea...

2010-03-17T12:23:00.002+10:30

http://notalwaysright.com/

Further to that, I think this one has got to be a new favourite:
http://notalwaysright.com/no-flirting-a-loud/3688

Short changed... literally, this time

2010-03-17T12:02:00.002+10:30

As I may have mentioned in previous posts about the supermarket, we tend to attract... dubious types. The kind of people you tend to cross the street to avoid are the kinds of people I have serve on a regular basis (with a smile, of course).

Anyway, I had one of those the other day and his shopping came to $6.50*. I told him the price and he put $5.50 down on the counter so I told him he still needed another dollar.**

Begrudgingly, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of 5 cent coins and dropped them on the counter for me to count out. After I'd counted a dollar's worth, I pushed the rest back to him saying "You can keep the rest."

Then he left without taking the rest of the money, so I called out "Don't you want your change?"***

He came back and stood next to me (not on the customer side of the checkout - he invaded my personal, staff only space!) and, while breathing down my neck, carefully counted out the change. The he dropped it all on the counter again, tapped me on the shoulder and said "There's a tip," and walked away!

WTF was that all about?

* Unsurprisingly, these people never buy large amounts of stuff. What is surprising is the kind of stuff they buy. eg: One sausage and 4 packets of batteries over a series of trips within about 10 minutes of each other.

** This may sound harsh but this job has taken away most of my sympathy for such people (along with my faith in humanity).

*** See? I'm not a total bitch.

Tips and tricks to pick up checkout chicks

2010-02-22T13:25:00.004+10:30

As we all know, in this modern, fast paced world there is precious little time to pick up in bars, clubs and and cruises. More to the point, when attempting to pick up a girl in one of these places, they have the frustrating ability to be able to move away when you get too annoying. Enter retail workers. Not only are they paid to be nice to you for the time your purchases take to scan, they also are not allowed to move away unless you actually a pull a knife out. What better place to play The Game?

So, just a few tips on how to melt your checkout chick's butter:

1. Be over the age of consent - or at least look like you are over the age of consent by doing something about your pimples, pulling your pants up so they cover your boxers and buying something other than packets of chips and bottles of soft drink.

2. Don't be so over the age of consent that you have now entered the realm of "creepy old man".

3. For the love of God, do not attempt to be suave by reading her name tag and then addressing her by that name as often as you can. It's creepy, it makes her uncomfortable, it's unfair because you're not wearing a name tag and it might also be wrong because she borrowed one from a friend after leaving hers at home.

Once you have these basics down pat, you're pretty much set. Essentially, the best way to pick up someone in a supermarket is to not be the kind of person who tries to pick up someone in a supermarket. Bit of a catch-22 there- but what can you do?

To do list

2010-02-19T23:21:00.002+10:30

At the cinema we often send people vouchers and things to their emails which they print off and bring in when they buy their tickets. In itself, this is not all that amazing. But when I was sorting through them at the end of my shift, I noticed one of them had a To Do list on the back.

It read:

Beer
Toilets
Bathroom
Kitchen
Bedroom
Sweep
Mop
Water
Clean Fridge
Stains

I love Australia. Where else do people write 'Beer' at the top of their To Do list?

Supermarket scandal

2010-02-12T10:23:00.002+10:30

Or rather, the lack of one. I am super excited ladies and gents because yesterday (my first day back at work) I served a blind person and a deaf person at my checkout (at different times, of course) and I wasn't accidentally insensitive to either of them! Snaps for me!

Also for the first time, I got to use my second language at work. My boss was so impressed when I said in my interview that I spoke Italian and she said it would be good because of all the tourists etc. who come into our supermarket. So it was good to finally be able to use it. (I'd been starting to think I'd have been better off learning Chinese)

Anyway, there was this guy with an Italian accent, I asked if he was from Italy and he was, so we chatted in Italian. But, it turns out he's been in Australia for 40 years! He asked me how long I'd been here
"19 years."
"And how old are you?"
"19."

So, here's a question, who should be welcoming whom?

Home again

2010-02-10T13:41:00.002+10:30

I wonder what the opposite of culture shock is? Because I think I've had it.

When I arrived in Oman (I suppose because it was my second visit) things did not seem at all strange and the fact that I was suddenly surrounded by men in long white robes put me at ease, rather than on edge like it did on my first trip. So, there was that, first of all - I went to another country and felt quite comfortable. But then, when I got back home, I couldn't get out of that Middle Eastern mindset.

It's summer time here and we're in a bit of a heat wave but I felt I was being horribly inappropriate for going out in jeans and a tank top. What's up with that? This is Australia and I'm an Australian - we invented ugg boots for crying out loud!

But, yeah, after the first two days of fighting with my newly acquired super-modesty, I think I'm finally getting over it. I spent this morning rediscovering T-shirts. I'm even considering going up to the shops in my knee length skirt.

I've gone native

2010-01-30T03:41:00.002+10:30

Well, I've worked out how to get the cars to stop beeping at you. Wear just as much clothing as the local girls. It didn't take a lot of working out, I suppose. But I was sort of resistant to the idea. I've tried to do everything but head scarf to see if that would cut it - it didn't. It's all or nothing here, it seems.

But I tell you, now that I have started, I don't think I can go back. Now when I leave the house I get hijabed up and the results are: no constant beeps from cars and better service in shops. Everybody wins! Also, I'm rather enjoying the challenge of keeping with the "local look" it's sort of like playing culturally sensitive dress-ups.

Things I notice in the Middle East

2010-01-25T15:02:00.003+10:30

You know how sometimes if you're wearing a short skirt and walking by the side of the road, you might get beeped by passing cars? Well, it's the same sort of thing here but you'll get it for a wearing a T-shirt. (Not a tight T-shirt either, I felt I was fairly modestly dressed all round.)

The other thing is that, despite the fact Australia is a Western nation and has a free-trade agreement with the USA, it is a lot easier to find various American processed foods here than in Aus. Which strikes me as entirely unfair. I have had stock up on pop-tarts while I'm here because Mum and I share them as a guilty pleasure while watching old episodes of Gilmore Girls.

If you don't know what pop-tarts are (I'll confess I know about them mainly because of Gilmore Girls) this is an example:

Sweet sugary goodness without an ounce of health in sight.

Can I 'ave spam instead then? #6

2010-01-24T02:40:00.002+10:30

A little bit of jetspam to tide you over:

Linda Rodrigues: We Offer═ Our Customers Only Legal Soft.

The only logical conclusion I can draw from this is that they are selling soft toys which most certainly do not contain any drugs. At all. Either that or they put a pile of random words together hoping it would attract someone's attention.

Heading out

2010-01-19T08:45:00.002+10:30

Just thought I'd let you all know that I'm off to the Middle East again. So... no more customer stories for a while. But I'll post and let you know what it's like (this time I will actually post, not just say that I will but never get around to it.)

Bye for now!

Short changed... again

2010-01-18T12:18:00.002+10:30

This prize goes to the woman who just wouldn't leave!

You know how when a shop is about to shut there'll be an voice over the PA telling you it's now or never if you want to buy that tin of corn you've been holding for the past ten minutes. Then there'll be another one telling the shop has actually closed now and you really need to be getting home to your ferns. (I would have said family, but I suspect that a lot of single people shop in my supermarket.)

Anyway, this woman waited until after the shop had closed to come to my checkout with a small basket of goods. This seemed okay to me, after all, she didn't have a trolley. But she had picked a whole lot of things she was sure were on special (most of them weren't) and so each item I scanned she wanted a price check on. That means that for each one I had to call someone over the PA to go and look at the prices on the aisle because I can't leave the checkout.

With every item that turned out not to be on special she would say "Oh, well I don't want that then, can I just leave it here with you?"
Sure you can, that just means that I'm left with a basket full of stuff from all over the shop to put back.

But, the really excellent part is that when she was finally done, she looked around the store and said, "Oh, am I the last one out?"

Can I 'ave spam instead then? #5

2010-01-14T20:09:00.002+10:30

This is not flotspam or jetspam... it's just plain weird. Weird with a capital 'creepy' in fact.

First weird thing about this piece of spam is that it says I've sent it to myself. The second weird thing is the subject line: Come to me my sweet kitty, I'm waiting for you!

WTF?

Sure sign you've been at work too long...

2010-01-13T10:05:00.001+10:30

You close your eyes when you see customers approaching, hoping they either won't notice you or will disappear. When you open your eyes and see them patiently waiting you find yourself incredibly disappointed that your plan didn't work.

Crazy anecdotes #2

2010-01-08T16:43:00.003+10:30

There's a long and complicated story behind this one which might sound a bit like me bitching. So I'm leaving it out for now. Suffice to say that I had been called into work (at the cinema) at the last minute because they were very busy and drastically understaffed.

You remember Zia*? Well she had three of us folding up cardboard boxes (not really the most important thing to do in the circumstances) for the rubbish collection and... I can only assume we weren't doing it the way she wanted or something because all of a sudden she says, "I swear all you girls think about is sex and drink!"

I don't think anyone had mentioned either of those things all day. Perhaps she can tell from our silence?

*If not, here's where I first mentioned her:
http://nerdgirlandgeorge.blogspot.com/2008/12/crazy-anecdotes.html
(Yeah, I'm not so good at making links. But you all know how to copy and paste.)

Can I 'ave spam instead then? #4

2010-01-08T16:34:00.002+10:30

So, it's been a while... my bad. But this means that my flotspam and jetspam have built up into a nice little pile I can share with you all. What luck!

First the flotspam*:

mmulcahy@hm653.locaweb.com.br: *."FORCE MEN STUFF.".* (...um... what?)

Garrett Simpson: This watch will underline your refine taste.

BRITISH HIGH COMMISSION: THIS IS YOUR COMPENSATION NOTICE FROM THE BRITISH HIGH COMMISSION (And about time too!)

Then the jetspam:

Roy Newsome: We will call you back. (Thanks, Roy. Now I don't have to read the email you sent me because I know I'll be getting a call from you soon.)

dan@delsursanitarios.com.ar: [re 11] Fertilize your male tree (I'm tempted to think this is some sort of innuendo, but if that's the case then they have it the wrong way around. Bit of a puzzle really.)

Darwin Potts: A Submariner SS watch really has the wings. Shop more and pay less here (Good. I'm tired of submarine watches that don't fly.)

---

*Don't ask me how I sort out the flotspam from the jetspam. It's a very long and complex process which is totally not me just throwing things into two neat piles to make the blog post look a bit nicer.

Customer of the day #15

2010-01-08T16:25:00.001+10:30

"Can you tell me what Sherlock Holmes is about?"

Merry Christmas

2009-12-24T22:28:00.003+10:30

I think the Christmas spirit must actually be a real thing that exists for real in the real world in which we live. (for realz)

Why do I believe this? Because I was working at the supermarket today (which is Christmas Eve and the busiest day for shops all year) and it was crazy and people were running late and getting stressed and stuff. But not one single person was nasty to me or yelled at me just for doing my job. I didn't even have anyone rant at me about the plastic bag ban and the only drunk that came in was actually quite nice and paid in correct change.

Wow. That's got to be a record of some kind.

Merry Christmas, y'all. Happy New Year too, in case I'm not back in time.

Strange purchase of the day

2009-12-22T20:50:00.002+10:30

12 bottles of spray on whipped cream. Nothing else, just our whole shelf of whipped cream. (Cardboard tray included)

What does one person do with that much whipped cream?

Things to do to make your checkout chick love you

2009-12-21T20:05:00.004+10:30

1. Give her your shopping bags first. This means before she's scanned all your stuff and put it on the bench thus adding an extra step to the process.

2. Put things you want packed together next to each other on the conveyor belt.

3. Make polite conversation. While she is being paid to be nice to you, it would still be nice if you returned the favour. It makes such a difference to her day and reminds her that she is a person, just like you.

4. Where possible, buy nice rectangular objects -so much easier to pack.

5. Don't yell at her. You'd think that's sort of common practice - not yelling at people. But you'd be surprised how often people forget basic manners when talking to someone who works in a supermarket.

6. Try to give the right change. This isn't always possible, I know. But don't think I don't notice when you sort through the notes in your wallet and give me a 50 when you could have given me a 10 or a 20.

7. Don't abuse her for things that aren't her fault. This includes prices, the layout of the shop, the fact that big bottles of milk are heavy, the person in front of you not speaking English very well, the fact that Mr Rann made plastic bags illegal, the weather, the invention of credit cards and many others.

8. Don't start drooling and talking to her chest.* It's unpleasant.

*Actually, until today, I wouldn't have thought it was something that happened outside of bad sitcoms, but there you go.

Customer of the day #14

2009-12-16T11:18:00.002+10:30

Lady: What's the movie about 2012 called?

Me: You mean 2012?

Lady: Yes, what's that called?

Me: ... 2012. That's the name of the film.

***

In other news, you know how sometimes people will describe their memory as being like a sieve? Well, a work buddy of mine (who is welcome to choose her own pseudonym) has told me that my memory is a like a melon scoop. Which strikes me as a remarkably specific utensil... but I think it's a compliment.

Short changed

2009-12-13T09:26:00.002+10:30

The first award of this new(ish) segment goes to...

the man who refused to stop swiping his gift card.

He bought three mini puddings and started swiping his card before I'd even scanned them all. The he told me that they were too expensive and I must have made a mistake so I deleted each of them and scanned them again (he kept swiping his card through all of this).

Then finally we got to the paying stage of the transaction and he stopped swiping his card in surprise because now the Eftpos thingy had gone from saying "Please wait for operator" to "Please swipe card". He seemed slightly taken aback but, old habits die hard, he swiped it twice more (for good measure), I gave him his receipt and he was on his merry way.

(As a side note; this man was not one of the drunks, crazies or non-English speakers who often come through, so there was no excuse for such behaviour.)

WASPs make mistakes too

2009-12-06T10:14:00.003+10:30

Now, I'll be honest, there have actually been a few noteworthy customers at the supermarket already but to describe exactly why they're noteworthy often requires facial expression, tone of voice and hand signals. So they're not really blog appropriate.

I should also mention that the supermarket I'm in, while awesome in terms of transport and places to go for my lunch breaks, is in an area that attracts... a variety of people. I've served quite a few middle class anglo-saxons but more often than that I serve backpackers, exchange students and migrants as well as a fair few drunks and crazies. (Incidentally, I've been doing day shifts for the most part.)

So, my people-dealing skills are really coming into play now and, consequently, it's getting a little hard to choose a customer of the day. Nonetheless, here's one for you now (not one of the crazies or non-English speakers... yet):

So, you know how in clothing shops and such if you find a shirt with a button missing you can get it discounted? Well these two young gentlemen had obviously heard this from their mothers.

Teenage boy: (puts a bottle of soft drink on the conveyor belt) This is damaged, so can I get it discounted?

Me: (looking at the bottle which seems to be all in tact) Umm... where is it damaged?

TB: See? It's ripped.

Me: (still can't find anything) Well the seal looks fine...

TB: No, there. (points to the label on the bottle which has the tiniest of rips in it)

Me: Oh... well, I can't discount that.

TB: Why not?

Me: The product isn't actually damaged, just the label. If it was really damaged, we wouldn't sell it to you because it could be contaminated.

TB: Oh, okay then.

Me: So, that's $2. Would you like your receipt?

---

PS: Sorry about the title, it's not a great one, I know. But I think I'm using 'Customer of the Day' a bit too much. Any suggestions?

Customer of the day #13

2009-12-05T10:39:00.003+10:30

Lady: Excuse me, I was just wondering, we're running late for our movie so do we have to wait in that line? (gestures to long line of people waiting to buy tickets)

Me: Have you already bought your tickets?

Lady: No.

Me: Well, I'm afraid you still have to wait in line then.

Lady: But we're running late.

Me: I'm sorry but we can't let you in without a ticket and to buy a ticket you need to wait in that line.

Lady: Are you sure? Because we're running late.

Customer of the day #12

2009-12-02T11:30:00.003+10:30

"Can I please have a regular popcorn with no ice?"

You sure can. It's a bit of a hard ask to serve the popcorn with no ice but I'll see what I can do.

Check out that chick

2009-11-27T11:25:00.002+10:30

Well I've finally started at the supermarket! (cue balloons, streamers, etc. falling from the sky)

It was a pretty short shift (only 3 hours) because I guess they wanted to start me off slowly - which I was actually rather grateful for. In some ways it was really good to have come to this as my second job because I already know about stuff like how to talk to customers, how to count change in my head and how to ignore hunger pains as you work through lunch or dinner time.

But there were differences (of course) and I have a new computer system to get used to and there are different things I have to say. (eg: Instead of "Would you like to upgrade to a large for an extra dollar?" I now say "Would like the window cleaner in a separate bag from the milk?" and stuff like that.)

No real customers of the day so far (unless you count the drunk man standing near my register yelling at the air for an hour) although an amazingly large number of people are incapable of reading the sign "Register closed for training". But then again, I've had enough experience with people to have expected that.

Twilight

2009-11-22T10:34:00.002+10:30

I was thinking as I was heading into work last night "I wonder if gangs of 14 year old girls are as messy, messier or less messy than gangs of 15 year old boys?" (In other words, how will Twilight compare to Transformers in terms of mess?) I also wondered how it would compare to Sex and the City in terms in craziness. So I think, from now on, we need a point system for all greatly anticipated new movies.

Level of mess in the cinemas: 4/5 (It was pretty bad, but compare to something like Dark Knight it was okay. We didn't even have to run overtime with the cleaning... just)

Level of mess in the bathrooms: 1/5 (I was pleasantly surprised. But perhaps no one wanted to use the bathrooms for fear of missing any of that Edward action)

Level/amount of screams from the fans: 3/5 (They clapped and screamed at the end of every session. But, compared to the tribal roar of Sex and the City it was bearable.)

Level of craziness for the Candy Bar to deal with: 5/5 (I had to go and help three times in my four hour shift just for the four people already there to be able to deal with the pace.)

Number of die hard fans*: 6

How long before their session did people start to line up: 30 minutes in most cases. It sounds bad but for the last Harry Potter people were coming at least an hour before, just in case.

Overall score: 49

*Distinguishable by their clothing, their absolute insistence on getting a good seat, their refusal to leave for any reason (including personal injury) and so forth.

PS: Finally heard back from the supermarket and I'll be starting on Wednesday. Wish me luck.

The work situation

2009-11-17T12:43:00.002+10:30

So, I've been inducted and have told the supermarket I'm available any day of the week and so I've told the cinema I can only do weekends. (so that I don't get any embarrassing crossovers)

Since doing this, I have discovered two things:

1. A note in my pigeon hole from one of the supervisors at the cinema which basically said "Woah, why on earth are you cutting back your availability at the start of school holidays? I think we might need to have a chat about this..."

2. The supermarket, despite being busy in the pre-Christmas season, still hasn't told me when I'll be working. It could tomorrow or several weeks away. That's great to know after I've told my other job that I'll be working fewer hours because I'm needed elsewhere.

Grr.

Inducted and proud

2009-11-04T23:00:00.002+10:30

So, I had my induction at the supermarket today* and filled out lots and lots of paperwork (a considerably large amount of it with yesterday's date, which I didn't realise until we'd finished most of it. But I'm not too worried because I know no one will actually check this stuff unless I'm caught doing illegal stuff and they want to bring out some papers to wave at me.)

As well as paperwork, we watched videos! It felt exactly like those lessons at school when the teacher can't be bothered making a lesson plan, so they stick on a crappy old video then make you write a report on it. Thankfully we're not required to right reports. But we did have to sign various forms saying that we'd seen the videos and understood and so one, so forth.

The videos are really terrible. I mean really terrible. These things make Jennifer Aniston look good.

But I knew I had to take notes when I heard the one on electricity, the intro went a little something like this:

"Electricity is a wonderful thing; it helps us with all kinds of daily tasks - at home and in the workplace. It's all around us and offers many conveniences. It lights our rooms, cools our food, powers our computers and so much more. If you touch if you'll die."

The video went on to talk about double adapters (or should I say "bringers of burnination"). We saw a roleplay concerning these objects and, my goodness gracious me, it was so lifelike! I felt like I was really there, feeling the conflict between the characters. For I could see that the kettle was a symbol of their love, a love which could never flourish because there simply was not room. This big ol' world doesn't want kettles getting too close to toasters... a flame could erupt! (A flame of passion!)

But I cannot do this scene justice on my own. I have to share it with you;

(Woman approaches with kettle but notices the electrical socket is full.)
Woman: Oh, I'd better get a double adapter.

Man: No! You can't use double adapters, they're not safe!

Woman: Oh, that's true. I know someone who use a double adapter and they had a fire. I'd better not use the kettle.

Man: No, we just need to find a safe way to use the kettle.
(Man unplugs the toaster to allow Woman to plug in the kettle)

Woman: Wow, easy.

* * *

I also learned about "power fingers"** and the various cleaning chemicals. Each cleaning chemical is "identifiable by its colour"... except I couldn't help but notice that two different chemicals are colour coded brown. How on earth will I be able to tell the difference? Seriously folks, I'm worried. I'm also worried that the video gave the impression we could only identify them by their colours. But I would have thought that their label which says the name of chemical and what it does might give you a hint. Apparently not. And now we're stuck with two browns. Tsk tsk.

That's about all for now. I'll let you know how my first real shift goes when that happens.

*It occurs to me that, from now on, I can't just talk about "work", I'll have to say "the cinema" or "the supermarket".

** From the hour long video on how to lift things. I didn't know you could spend an hour on that, but there you go. Lifting.

"Jinx" that's the word I should've used in Scrabble...

2009-10-29T18:05:00.002+10:30

Would you believe that, actually, I didn't jinx anything at all?

I got a call today to say that, not only have I got that job, but the reason they took so long getting back to me is because they didn't have enough spaces available. However, I was just too awesome an applicant to pass up and so they've given me a spot anyway!

I suppose, technically, what this means is that I have caused a supermarket to be overstaffed with my powers of awesome. Which, in turn, means that I am stickin' it to the Man... just by having a job and getting paid. Yay capitalism!* An economic system so convoluted it is possible to undermine it and benefit from it at the same time... why, yes, that does sound familiar...

I look forward to sharing all these new crazy customers with you. What adventures await, only time may tell...

*Not a sentence I say often, as you can imagine.

Can I 'ave spam instead then? #3

2009-10-27T17:05:00.002+10:30

Golden, golden flotspam for you today:

Rosalva Uranga: Grand plan. How to conquer world

Need any more be said?

Oh deary, deary me

2009-10-26T22:48:00.003+10:30

For this to really work, I'll need to give you some background information on my workplace:

Contrary to popular belief, movie tickets do not just magically appear. Nor do they appear from magical, shiny computers made within the last decade. Where their conception actually takes place is under a bench* from three pieces of technology, all from different eras, but all with a general "oldness" about them. There's the screen, the hard drive** and the printer.

The hard drive is not in its prime. If it had a personality it would be a bald man whose comb-over doesn't quite reach the other side and who wears brown, polyester blend cardigans.*** Nonetheless, it's an important bit of equipment. It is, in fact, the most important bit of equipment we have (besides the projectors) and so you would think we'd take good care of it.

We do not.

But I hadn't realised the extent of our neglect until today. I needed to move the hard drive forward bit to fix up the cords at the back. But it seemed to be stuck... how odd. I got one of the guys to help me because they are both naturally strong and good with computers****. But he couldn't movie it either.

Finally we dislodged poor Mr Hard-drive and found out what the problem was... coke syrup.

The most important (albeit personality deprived) piece of equipment there had been fused to its shelf with coke syrup! And this was old syrup too, I could tell by the smell.

Is there something in the Oc Health Safety guidelines about mixing computers with liquid? Especially sticky liquid.

* Which is held together by blue-tack and sheer will power from Head Office because they're too cheap to give us a new bench.
** I'm fairly sure it's a hard drive. But we tend to refer to it as "the computery thing".
*** So, ironically enough, if it had a personality it would also have no personality.
**** Not as much of a stereotype as you might think because that statement is pretty much true for all the male employees I work with. I wonder if it's been planned that way...

I jinxed it

2009-10-25T10:32:00.003+10:30

What I was talking about in my last post was that I might be getting a new job. But I didn't get it, which is a pity because I imagine the chances for crazy customers are increased ten-fold as a checkout chick.

How exciting!

2009-10-15T11:28:00.002+10:30

I don't want to jinx anything, so I'm not telling you the full details just yet. But I may need to change my 'About Me' in the next few weeks. Depends on whether I get a phone call...

(Sorry for the cliff-hanger, everyone. But I'll update you as soon as things are certain.)

Can I 'ave spam instead then? #2

2009-10-13T16:06:00.001+10:30

I'm so glad I've found a useful thing to do with spam.

This one, my favourite, is a from "Vicky Fuqua" and I must say I'm very impressed with her ingenuity. I mean, bringing the reader in with a question is a tried and true method of spammers but I love the innocent nature of this one; "Saw my sunglasses?"

(It's actually rather refreshing to get something in my spam box that doesn't ask me if I want a bigger penis. I was almost tempted to read it.)

Second place goes to "Shirlee Osumybar" simply because I like her name. Although, her subject matter "Based on this crap" should not go unnoticed.

Then, lastly I'd like to give an honourable mention to "Dr.Jin Chung" who sent me "YOUR TRANSACTION DETAILS". I like a doctor who knows that shouting at people is the best way to convince them you're legit.

A public service announcement

2009-10-03T22:40:00.002+09:30

When you go to see a movie in 3D, you receive a pair of 3D glasses. Great, excellent, everybody's happy.

When your 3D movie experience is finished, you don't want to hang onto those cheap, plastic glasses, do you? No, of course not! You're a busy human being with children hanging off arms demanding love and/or attention.

So, with this particular problem in mind, we have created a box. It's a wonderful box into which you can place your 3D glasses and allow them to be recycled. You get rid of the glasses and can help save the planet. Yay!

Now, just to be clear, the box with the giant picture of the 3D glasses, much like the ones you are currently holding and with a big sign on top that says "Recycle your 3D glasses here" is the box that you put the glasses in. Yes, it's strange, I know. But, instead of getting all caught up in the sense and mechanics of the situation, let's just assume that this is, in fact, the place to be putting the glasses.

I promise, nothing bad will happen if you just drop the glasses in there. You don't need to double check this with the cinema staff who are patiently waiting for you to just hurry up and leave. Promise. The box knows what it's talking about.

Further to this point; the correct place to put your rubbish is in the rubbish bin. Now I know that the rubbish bin doesn't have a sign on it, telling you just what to do. But surely you've grasped the concept by this stage? If not, maybe you could put your rubbish in the rubbish bag being held out towards you by one of the helpful staff members who are saying "Rubbish? Any rubbish, you can put it in here," over and over again while gesturing towards the bag.

So, glasses go in the box with the picture of the glasses on it. Rubbish goes in the rubbish bin. Not the other way around.

Has everyone got that? Good.

99... a hundered!

2009-10-03T14:56:00.002+09:30

I'd been thinking I'd have a Customer of the Day for my 100th post but then an amazing thing happened and it was too good not to tell you about. So, in celebration of my centennial, I would like to introduce a new segment to my blog which I like to call...

Can I 'ave spam instead then?

In which I relay the hilarious flotsam and jetsam of the interweb which I find lodged in the six-pack holder that is my spam folder.

Today's flotsam is from "Brenton Hesser" who tells me "We-rape-blondes! 1day-free"

Well, that's just dandy, Brenton. Thank you for sharing. A spamming prize pack is on its way and you should receive your baked beans and spam in 8 - 12 business days.

Why didn't I think of that before?

2009-09-25T10:24:00.002+09:30

This is not a specific story today, just a little update and clarification. The update part is that, not long after Zosia found herself a Tall Boy, I found a boy too! (It must be the coming of Spring)

I didn't post about it at the time because I felt, in order to be mentioned in a blog, one needs a nickname. But I couldn't think of one, so I just left it. Then it occurred to me over breakfast that he already had a nickname and, fittingly, Zosia give it to him; Mr Flame.

I feel rather silly saying it (and even sillier typing it) but there you go, it works well. Should I explain why it works well? I suppose I should because otherwise you'll get the idea I'm going out this handsome young thing:

My own Mr Flame is one of those people you're likely to see at the circus or Fringe shows doing this:

except that, you know, he's otherwise quite a normal person.

So now, if ever I need to post a story about him, he has a an alias. What fun!

PS: My next post will be my 100th! The pressure's on now to make it a good one...

What is the world coming to...

2009-08-21T11:11:00.003+09:30

... when only one person, besides me, in my tutorial knew what the word 'satire' meant? And that one person was the teacher.

... when someone needs to ask for help in the post office because they're not sure which side of the envelope to write on or whether they need to use stamps.

... when university students need to ask what 'First Person' and 'Third Person' mean.

Customer of the day #11

2009-08-09T09:30:00.004+09:30

Scene:
A girl and a boy arrive at the candy bar. It's clearly a very busy night and the girl behind the counter is looking tired and frazzled.

Girl customer: Hi, can we have a large... (turns to her boyfriend)

Boy customer: Yeah, whatever.

Girl customer: OK. One of those please.

(pause)

NG: So... did you want a large combo?

Girl customer: Confused expression No, we just wanted a large coke.

NG: Right, of course.

___

My fault really, I left all my mind reading equipment at home.

___

Edit: You remember my very first customer of the day? (The one who asked about live chickens in the cinema) Well, last night I served a woman who looked like a chicken. She even had a feathery jumper on.

Top 5...

2009-07-27T19:28:00.002+09:30

...disgusting things that have been found at my work. (Not always by me, thank goodness)

5. The black stuff behind the coke towers.
You don't need to worry about this too much because no foodstuff ever makes contact with it. Nonetheless, it disturbs me that we don't know quite what it is or how it got there.

4. A blocked toilet
It was blocked because someone had flushed a big plastic cup down there. And then someone else had used it.

3. Semen stains on the seat.
I don't think I need to elaborate on this one.

2. Vomit on the carpet.
The best part about this was that the person in question threw up just as the movie was starting and we're not allowed to stop a film for cleaning or clean while people are in the cinema. So the people in that session were left to deal with it for 2 hours. I don't think they noticed though because I actually had to tell them not to sit next to the vomit and the only reaction I got was "Oh, I thought I could smell something odd."

1. Pee in a cup.
That's right, someone finished their drink (I hope it was their drink and not someone else's) and decided the movie was too exciting for them to leave and go to the toilet. So they peed in the cup and left it there. Isn't personal hygiene fun?

What you didn't know about Jesus...

2009-07-16T12:51:00.003+09:30

I was at work the other day getting ... hmm, how can I say this delicately? ... thoroughly bored. Mondays are never big days at a cinema and so, to amuse myself, I started writing out the words to 'Lord of the Dance'.

I got as far as:

"I danced for the fisherman, for James and John"

before being eventually called away to do some work. When I got back, I found that a co-worker (who shall remain nameless, for now) had added a few extra lyrics. So, for those of you who don't know, this is how 'Lord of the Dance' goes:

I danced in the morning when the world was begun
I danced in the Moon, the Stars and the Sun
I came down from Heaven and I danced on Earth
At Bethlehem I had my birth:

Dance then, wherever you may be
I am the Lord of the Dance, said He
And I'll lead you all, wherever you may be
And I'll lead you all in the Dance, said He

I danced for the scribe and the pharisee
But they would not dance and they wouldn't follow me
I danced for fishermen, for James and John
I danced for Batman, for he is the bomb

I danced like a madman, I was taking a chance
I called out to everyone, to look at my pants
I was feeling the beat, oh how I was funky
I call this next dance move 'doing the monkey'!

I have a life outside of you

2009-07-10T17:39:00.002+09:30

(albeit a small one)

So, I sent off my entry for the Adelaide Review Short Story Competition today, the prize for which is to get said story published! :D
Oh, and you also get some bottles of wine if you come first. But, frankly, I couldn't give a damn about those. Really. Don't let my uni status fool you, I am actually sober for a surprisingly large percentage of my waking hours.

I won't hear back from them until September 10th and until that time I'll be living in hope. But (and I hope I'm not jinxing it by saying this) if I'm not selected for publishing, then I'll put the story up on my lovely blog. So we can be certain of at least one post in the month of September.

Customer of the day #10

2009-06-28T13:55:00.002+09:30

I suppose I can't blame this boy for being so confused. After all, a straight tunnel lined with numbers in chronological order is tricky navigational feat, even for the best of us.

Customer: Excuse me, where is 'Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen'?

Me: That's in Cinema 4.

Customer: Is that the one that says 'Night at the Museum'?

Me: No, it's the one that says 'Transformers'.

Customer: Is it the one in the 5?

Me: No, you want the one with the big number 4 on it.

Customer: I can't see a number 4.

Me: It's down the end. After 5. It has green doors.

Customer: OK.

I'm not sure how I did it, but somehow I managed to convince him that he really was meant to go where his ticket (and the numbers on the doors) were telling him to go.

***

Oh, and as a little side note: Who brings their 2 year old daughter to see 'Transformers'? I mean, honestly, it's violent, loud and filled with sex scenes and metal music. Admittedly we don't have many kids movies on at the moment, but even so.
But, apparently, more than one family last night didn't see that as a problem.

Customer of the day #9

2009-06-25T20:33:00.002+09:30

... is not so much crazy as a little bit creepy.

I was standing at the tunnel entrance (where the cinemas hide) waiting to check people's tickets and pretend I care if they enjoy their movie or not. A man comes towards me, his arms laden with candy-bar goodies.

He says, "My ticket's just in my front pocket there, love."

Apparently he saw nothing strange in what he was proposing, which was that I (a girl young enough to be his daughter) reach in and feel around in the front pocket of his jeans for a ticket which may, or may not, be there.

My response: "Ummm... why don't I just hold onto the popcorn for you?"

***

I also have a quote for you, from our friend Crazy Football Fan:

"English is the bastardised language of pretty much every European language in the world."

That is opposed to European languages not of this world. I suppose he has a fair point in that.

Lady K's contribution to world affairs

2009-06-21T11:19:00.003+09:30

This is not my wonderful creative genius shining through, but my sister's:

"I have to have a Tupperware party. Its a long stpry (sic), I'm not going into it. However, I need to rebel against it in my own little way, so I constructed an invitation about gender based consumption and guilt marketing but thought it might be a little harsh. Then, in a rare sober moment, I started to think of taglines for Tupperware. Here are a few, you can join in the fun:

- Tupperware. Just Seal It.

- Got a secret? Tupperware. The only airtight seal with a lifetime guarantee.*

and my personal favourite:

- Tupperware and How to Win Friends and Influence People. See mutual exclusivity live and in techni-colour.

Anyway. So as I was thinking of these I thought I missed my blog, then I thought I should just get you or Zosia to post them on my behalf. But I think this is a happy compromise.

*This works for Swine Flu instead of secrets but I think the colour will date."

If you like, K, you could join up as a member of my blog and just add a post or two when the mood takes you. It's llike having your own blog but without the responsibility. (Which I think might suit you) ;)

Quick movie review

2009-06-17T11:14:00.002+09:30

I saw 'The Hangover' last night and it was fantastic!
Truly excellent and I know that it was good because I spotted a juxtaposition or two in there and if there are techniques like that in a film, it's clearly something worth studying in an English lesson.

That said, it might not be something for the faint hearted. There's a lot of swearing, a few car crashes, some strippers and everything else you'd expect in Vegas. (and a bit more) But there are are some excellent lines, the actors do a great job and you really believe all of what's going on

I heartily recommend it. Four stars. :)

I can't seem to post the actual video on here, but if you follow this link:
http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5237893638236163790
there's a quick preview.

Customer of the day #8

2009-06-08T16:08:00.001+09:30

Goes to...

The little boy who decided to do star jumps in the doorway of the ladies' toilets.

2009-06-06T18:21:00.001+09:30

You know that feeling you get when something has taken over your mind and you just know that you have to blog about it? Well, I don't seem to have that at the moment.

Yippee

2009-05-25T11:22:00.003+09:30

So it looks like I'l be getting my computer back soon. Yay! We found a place who'll fit it with a new hard drive and retrieve my data and put in all the updates that I have so far been too lazy to put in myself. Yay!

In the meantime I'm making do with the uni computers and I can't say that I like the keyboards at all. They're all just so clunky! I'm constatly re-typing things. Bah.

Anyway, can't stay for long today because I have a History tut to go to. Bye for now. I'll be back soon.

Pfffffffffffffft

2009-05-16T14:39:00.002+09:30

I am posting this at the library because my hard drive crashed last night.
Sigh, yes. I took it to the shop today and they can't find out exactly what's wrong with for 7-9 business days.
If it is the hard drive and it's stuffed then I'll have to get someone to retrieve all my data or buy a new hard drive and lose everything. Losing everything seems to be the cheaper option by about $800.

I didn't realise just how much of my life was on that computer. I really liked that computer too, I felt awful leaving it at the shop. Espeically since I knew there probably wasn't anything they could do and I might lose everything.

I've got all my photos on there, my resume, stories that I haven't finished writing and uni work. I think I'll have to talk to the people at uni because I have History and Politics work due next week.

Well, my session is about to end so I'd best be going and I'll see you all later.

Baby's first pub crawl

2009-05-09T14:50:00.002+09:30

I made notes on the evening (because that's how I do things) and they seem to have got a little less coherent as the night went on.

First off, with my blog in mind, I made a note of some of the arcade games I saw in the corner at pub number one:
"Deer Hunter 2: A hunter meets his match"

"Mars needs cows"

I saw some people playing this one. The aim is to shoot down the flying saucers and save Earth's precious beef. The cows don't seem too bothered by the situation though, they continued to peacefully chew cud as they were lifted by saucer beams to infinity and beyond.

Then I have a quote from some girls who were talking about boyfriends:
"Once you change your facebook status, it's official."
General consensus was that until you've changed your facebook status, none of it really counted one way or the other.

The next few notes are definitely mine but I can't give you much explanation on them:

"No one studies molecular biology"

"9 in the afternoon - unison"

"Dizzy"

A fun night all round, really.

Identify the main influences of stuff on things

2009-04-28T19:11:00.002+09:30

82.

So, I did a tutorial presentation today. I go to show off:

- My Italian accent
- My French accent
- My knowledge of pre-revolutionary France
- My ability to spell and pronounce "bourgeois" correctly
and
- My colour printing skillz

I also got to utilise my improv/making shit up on the spot skillz but that's not really something I can get extra credit for.

Filler

2009-04-25T14:00:00.002+09:30

This is my 81st post. That means I'm well on my way to 100 which is verra exciting. But I don't have any amusing anecdotes to sure just now so I thought I'd ask to you all to help me with my To Do List.

I have a mental list going on with all the books I need to read and movies/stage shows I need to see. A few of them are:
-A Clockwork Orange
-To Kill A Mockingbird
-The Reader
-Eyes Wide Shut
- the American version of The Castle (it has subtitles)
-Wicked
-Centrelink: the Musical
but I need your help. What would you recommend? It doesn't have to be great literature (one of my all time favourite films is Van Helsing)

Another thing on my To Do List, which doesn't quite fit into the book/film section, is to find a way to kill facebook. I mean it. Preferably without any far reaching consequences (eg: jail on a murder sentence) but, hey, a world without facebook could be well worth a little sacrifice on my part.

Customer of the Day #7

2009-04-22T13:58:00.002+09:30

I don't know how many of you have seen Knowing

But I would recommend that you don't. It's not original or intelligent and by no means is it Nicholas Cage's best work. But people saw it and the session was busy enough that I had to come in to the cinema with an extra bin bag as they were leaving.
Our Customer of the Day goes to the man who, upon seeing my bin bag, asked
"Do you have room for Nicholas Cage in there?"
Unfortunately not.

But the customer who made my day, nay, my week. Was the considerate young man who didn't just put his own rubbish in the bins provided, he collected all the rubbish from his row in a plastic bag to put in the bin. A modern day good Samaratin. :)

It was on a piece of paper...

2009-04-15T22:31:00.003+09:30

I went to an 18th a few days ago and met lots of new people, socialised, danced, ate and drank.

A few days later I found a piece of paper in the pocket of the pants I was wearing. Apparently I thought it was very important to write down this bit of conversation:

"We need to light something else on fire and put it on top."

According to said piece of paper, it was said by Don Bradman (or someone dressed like him, it was one of those nights).

Guess what...

2009-04-08T13:13:00.002+09:30

I got back my very first uni assignment yesterday...

and I got a Distinction!

The antics are back

2009-04-05T10:41:00.002+09:30

Do you all remember Crazy Football Fan who never stops talking? Well, to a certain amount of dismay, I found myself rostered to work with him the other day. I had hoped, it being a Friday night, that we would be very busy and co-worker conversations could be kept to a minimum. No. It was one of the quietest Fridays I have ever known and, despite my persistent efforts to avoid him, CFF was always around the next corner, ready to invade your conversations and personal space.

I did, however, manage to get these two golden quotations from him:

(Oh, one other thing you should know about CFF is that he has no volume control. This means that everything he says is not quite a yell, but after a while, has quite an abrasive effect on you. If life were a comic book, his speech bubbles would always be in bold text.)

"Conversations with me are just my voice."

and

"I would high-five practically anything."

Thank you, History class

2009-03-29T12:37:00.002+10:30

I went to a quiz night last night. I had sooo much fun (I love quiz nights) and I can safely say that my presence there was needed because the rest of the table was ace at sport questions and I shine in, well... the humanities section.

Q: What was Iosif Vissarionovich Dzhugashvili better known as?
A: Josef Stalin

That's right, 2 years of modern history specialising in the Russian Revolution (and then continuing it in Uni) has not been in vain because I got us 4th place in a quiz night!

Not that I'm going to get picky or anything, but we actually should have won because the teams who beat us all bought bonus points. So pffffffft to them.

Raincoats

2009-03-09T20:03:00.002+10:30

What happened to raincoats? Seriously, they seem to have just disappeared. Which makes me sad because raincoats are fantastic. Just think about it, when has a raincoat ever let you down? Never, that's when. Raincoats keep you warm and dry and looking fantastically gorgeous all at the same. Unlike other items of clothing, they don't need to be washed and hung out to dry, they don't produce balls of fluff, they rarely rip or need patching and we all know they're cool because teddy bears and Madeline wear them. And cats:

Jennifer Aniston

2009-03-06T10:11:00.003+10:30

Is not an actress. There we go, I'm just putting it out there. Now, I'm not saying she is bad person, or an ugly person or anything like that. But, to be an actor or actress, there are certain criteria to be fulfilled;

1. One immerses themselves in their role. This means they adopting a characters habits, speaking patterns, facial expressions, etc. Unless every character Jennifer has ever played is exactly the same in all these areas, she's not acting.

2. An actor changes their appearance for different roles. Dressing differently, changing their hair colour or style, applying different makeup and so on. I submit to you,
Jennifer Aniston in "Friends":

Jennifer Aniston in "He's just not that into you"

Jennifer Aniston in "The Break-up"

Jennifer Aniston in "Rumour has it"

Now, just so you can see where I'm coming from, let's compare Jennifer to a real actress.

Meryl Streep in "The Devil Wears Prada"

Meryl Streep in "Mamma Mia"

Meryl Streep in "The Hours"

Goodbye childhood

2009-03-01T17:36:00.002+10:30

This is my last day before I'm an official uni student. I can just feel my innocence slipping away from me. Uni is different from school, in subtle but important ways;

1. I don't have to go in on Fridays. At all!

2. There's a pub on campus

3. You are allowed to look nice when you get your ID photo taken. This means not having your hair pulled tightly back from your face, being allowed to cover any blemishes with makeup, being able to wear clothes in colours that suit you, not being told to say "jelly beans" by the photographer. (I don't know about the rest of you, but that request always meant I ended up having a withering stare on my student ID photo instead of a friendly, youthful grin.)

4. During Orientation Week we were given a bag of useful things to help us through university life. This included:
- a pamphlet entitled Alcohol and Your Studies
- condoms
- an invitation to the Naughty Back 2 Skool Inferno: Best naughty costume winner scores big!
- information on emergency contraception (this was entitled Oh $#*! "Because $#*! happens... EC is easy to get anytime from your chemist.")
- information on "What to do if you find used syringes" (The underlining was already there, I didn't add it in)

This poor Catholic school girl doesn't know what's hit her.

Answers

2009-02-23T18:07:00.002+10:30

The Man at the Pub said...
"OK. Are women allowed to wear open-toed footwear in Oman?"

Yep. There aren't nearly as many restrictions in Oman as there are in Saudi Arabia and Yemen (Oman's closest neighbours). There are some though, while I was there I had to cover legs, shoulders and all the bits in the middle. I would recommend loose clothing to any potential visitors (male and female) but it's not essential.
In the mosque you have to be all covered up (that means a veil for women) we saw a few people not allowed in because they were in 3 quarter pants.

Femikneesm said...
"So this is not an original question, but what were the best and worst things you saw/did?"

Hmm, I think the best thing was undoubtedly the Grand Mosque. The whole place is so incredibly intricate and well designed. It took my breath away. There aren't really any words that would do it justice, so here are a few piccies I took:

The worst is a bit trickier, I didn't care for the TV over there. But I think 90% of TV all over the world is crap anyway so that doesn't say much.
What was quite hard for me to see was the labour force. Oman imports many of its workers from overseas, especially poorer countries. They get paid more than they would
at home but their visas don't include family and I think many of them get quite homesick.

Jet lag

2009-02-23T02:20:00.003+10:30

I was so proud of myself, I thought I had tackled jet lag head on and won. But here I am at 2:30am and I'm writing a blog. Sigh. This feels familiar.

So, Oman. It really is an awesome place - I've never seen anything like it and I really wish I'd had myself painted while I was there (henna stuff basically) because I feel so different now and I want people to notice something different about me when I walk into a room. Maybe I'll just wear the really cool ring I bought myself all the time so people can say "Where did that come from?" and I can say "Oh, I bought it in a souq in Oman."

The amazing picture just up there, I'm sorry to say, is not one of mine but it does give you a good idea of the place and of how I felt wearing pants. I'll need time to sort through my 757 photos from the 3 week trip before I can post them. So don't worry, they'll be there sooner or later.

One of the best things about the people there: they share my attitude to footwear. i.e.: there should be as little of it as possible and it should not be worn unnecessarily. Just great, I think I've found my people. (I hate covered shoes in hot weather with a passion.)

The only tricky thing here is that I don't really know where to start in my recount. So I think the best thing to do is ask you guys. If you want to know anything about the place or what I did just ask and I'll answer. The nice things about my answers is that I tend to ramble and other stories end up being told in the middle. So we might just get a few good posts out this way.

Customer of the Day #6

2009-02-02T08:59:00.002+10:30

This is my first one on Box Office and it is way too good not to share:

"Can I get two adult tickets for Slutty Dog Millionaire?"

Either you've misheard the title or this movie is going to be quite different from what you were expecting...

Sundae Afternoon

2009-01-31T17:19:00.005+10:30

I've just had an ice cream party. That's right folks - it seemed like the best thing to do since I wanted to see my friends before leaving the country* and we've had 40+ temperatures for the past few days and will continue to do so for some time into the future. (Adelaide's longest extreme heat wave since 1908).
So we all made our own sundaes. I supplied 3 different ice creams, sprinkles, choc sprinkles, blueberries, strawberries, Kit-Kats, choc wafers, vanilla wafers, whipped cream fizzy drinks (for making spiders) and I made two-layered jelly. I felt like such a good hostess - a real one too, from the '50s.

This party may not have fulfilled the same the checkpoints as Zosia's ( ) but, for a party sans-alcohol, I think these make it fairly impressive:

1. Someone who has just been promoted to manager of a fast food "restaurant" faked sick to be there.

2. Someone else poured whipped cream on their chest (then added wafers and blueberries which fell off)

3. We drank coconut milk from a coconut shell.

4. The dishwasher was completely filled from party dishes alone. (No one in this house has even had dinner yet).

5. You (the host) are given a giant jar of Vegemite as a going away present.

*What? Didn't I tell you? Well, I'm going to Oman for three weeks.

Quick review

2009-01-25T19:34:00.003+10:30

Since there's not a lot I can blog about in my own life at the moment (aside from my killer sunburn which isn't particularly interesting) I'm going to do a quick review of the movies playing at my place of work.

Bedtime Stories This is staring Adam Sandler so we're already off to a bad start. The fact it's rated G amazes me given all the oh-so-subtle references to things of a sexual nature. It does have a few things working in its favour though; we get to see Adam Sandler get hit by a fireball and there is a hamster with large, comical eyes... and, that's it.

Bride Wars Now this one I just know Femmy would love. Two best friends, both are each others' maids-of-honour, but their weddings are booked on the same day and a sneaky bitch fest ensues. I give the writers a bit of credit for at least coming up with a story line that hasn't been done to death, there are also a few decent one-liners but the whole thing feels a bit over the top. That said, if you just want some cheap laughs, nothing too sentimental or thought provoking then this one gets a gold star.

Madagascar 2 The penguins are awesome, they rock the suburbs as does King Julian (played by Sacha Baron Cohen) but too much of the movie's focus is on the lion, giraffe, hippo and zebra for my liking.

Marely and Me A rather sentimental film about a family dog. Some decent funny bits but Jennifer Aniston kind of annoys me outside of Friends. For me, this one falls between the basic two catagories of movies; 'Worth Seeing on an Intellectual Level' and 'Good For a Few Light Laughs' so I can't heartily recommend it.

Revolutionary Road Finally, something decent! Well acted, well directed, appropriate music and good costuming. This one seems to be lacking nothing, unless of course you are the woman who sat next to me in the cinema who laughed through her nose at the most inappropriate moments and exclaimed "What?!" as the credits started. I loved this one but maybe it's a bit too subtle for some.

Seven Pounds This is the movie the lady mentioned up there ^ should have seen. It pretends, rather convincingly, to be a movie 'Worth Seeing on an Intellectual Level' but things are spelled out enough so that no one gets left behind.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button I know people will disagree with me on this one but, to me, Benjamin Button is another try hard intellectual film and very long. (Clocks in at almost 3 hours) I don't understand everyone's great desire to see it, especially since most of them ask for a ticket to "The Curious Case of What's-his-name".

Yes Man Falls very nicely into the 'Good For a Few Light Laughs' category. The storyline is fun and Jim Carey makes me lol (possibly even rofl). This film is nothing deep and meaningful but that's OK because it doesn't need to be. It's like Liar Liar but with fewer squirm worthy sexual references.

We have one or two others showing that I can't really comment on because I haven't seen them yet; Slumdog Millionaire and Valkyrie both look like they'd be excellent and Bolt looks a bit silly but I assume there'd be some funny bits here and there. (Possibly Valkyrie looks appealing to me because Eddie Izzard is in it but that's no reason to turn it down) ;)

News

2009-01-12T16:34:00.003+10:30

The latest piece of newstainment, is that I am back and being creative! Just look at this, folks, I now have a stylish new bag to go with any outfit and all for under 50 dollars!

I made the bag from an inside-out skirt I found in an op-shop.
...

Belt: 50 cents
Skirt: $1
Pockets: Free (from my mother's scrap bag)

Extra costs: 2 hours spent negotiating with the sewing machine

Good news

2009-01-03T16:10:00.001+10:30

I've been officially promoted! As of next week I get to sit down on a cushy chair for my whole shift and sell tickets that cost less than a medium combo.

Customer of the Day #4 and #5

2009-01-03T11:41:00.002+10:30

That's right fans; two in one day! (Well technically 3)

The first one is short and sweet and (hopefully) from a mother of a toddler.
It is not uncommon for people to wander by and need to use our toilets. I have no problem with this (nor does anyone else there) so we always let them in.

Mother of toddler: "Excuse me, can we go in for wee-wees?"
Me: "Um, sure. Toilets are just down there."

~~~~~

The second is a bit longer and came from two young men whom I shall name Wanker1 and Wanker2. (They weren't quite up to bogan standards.)

Wanker1: (after walking into, and knocking over, the Bolt standee) "Hey can I have this?"
Me: "No."
Wanker1: "Aaaw. Why not?"
Me: "Because the movie hasn't come out yet. We need it here. But you might be able to come back and get it once the movie's finished."
Wanker2: "Can I have that?"
Me: "The bin?"
Wanker2: "Yeah, can I have it?"
Me: "No."
Wanker2: (pointing to a TV screen on the wall) "Well, can I have that?"
Me: "That's permanent. It needs to stay here."
Wanker1: "I'll just take this then."
Me: "No, I will be needing that pen."

You know what the best part is? They were not kidding. Both these guys had quite, for want of a better word, earnest faces and it was quite clear they weren't joking.

Happy New Year

2009-01-01T10:35:00.004+10:30

Hope it's a good one for you all. I'm planning to enjoy this one a lot (especially when all those Back To School sales start appearing).

I went to a New Year's Eve party last night and it was less than spectacular. But we did start 2009 by dancing the Time Warp which was both fun and ironic. The fireworks went for about 15 minutes and the bus I took home was quite full. I wore my glow sticks all night.

That's about all the detail I can be bothered with just now.

Happy 2009 and peace out.

Crazy anecdotes

2008-12-20T19:16:00.002+10:30

So I just thought I'd tell you about one of the characters at my place of work, this one I will call Zia because she's like a crazy aunt in an Agatha Christie novel and she's Italian.

She is the one who's been working there for about 30 years and once nominated herself for employee of the month (sorry, team member of the month).

Her anecdote for today (which, actually, she does rather a lot) was moving bags. We make popcorn throughout the day and store it in big plastic (not re-usable) bags. Also, we have two bins in the back of Candy Bar (one is a bit bigger than the other) and Zia loves to bustle around in there taking all of the used popcorn bags out of the small bin and putting them in the big bin. She then likes to tell us young 'uns "Don't put the bags in this bin, love, it'll fill up too quickly." or "Now you know you're not supposed to put the bags in this bin, love, I've told you all a hundred times. That Whatshisname is the worst of course."

Customer of the Day #3

2008-12-16T11:17:00.002+10:30

As you may know if you have ever been to a cinema, it is common practice to have your ticket ripped before you go into the movie. You keep one half and we keep the other and if you need to leave and come back in it's as simple as flashing us your half of the ticket so we know you've paid to be there and already know where to go.

This is a concept which cannot be grasped by the general populous. I could go on and on about all the stupid people who stumble over what I would see as a relatively simple transaction, but I won't. I am here today to tell you about the best of the bunch.

This customer (who will henceforth be known as Sandman because he has curly hair and a permanent deadpan expression) had been hanging around the entrance most of the morning and had come up to me at one point asking

How long as Four Holidays been going?

Me: It should be out in about 10 minutes.

Sandman walks away without another word or expression.

~Later that day~

Sandman crosses the barrier where tickets must be checked.

Me: Do you have your ticket?

Sandman: Yes.
Then he continues walking without even a glance in my direction.

Most people get angry when you ask this, as if it's your fault that they're an idiot. Or they start on a long apology explaining exactly how and why they left their ticket behind and they're so sorry and they'll never ever do it again (which we all know they will). But not Sandman. Nope, he's way too cool for emotion or unnecessary conversation. He just keeps on walkin'.

Angst

2008-12-08T19:30:00.002+10:30

I hate my phone network. I have been slightly annoyed with it in the past because of the stupid voice that goes "Hmm, it it appears the person you are trying to call is not available" when a phone is unanswered. But, on the whole, it's been pretty good to me and I was a little bit sad when it came time to admit that no one else is on this network and that makes it a bit expensive.

What I didn't count on is that it won't let me leave! I've spent all afternoon calling the old network, the new network and various people in India to no avail. I then went to their websites and found either no information or the old favourite "Error 404" when I see a link that looks promising.

I've had to go to several different websites (unofficial ones, I might add) to get any kind of help in switching networks and even then they tell me I need a particular code but don't tell me how to get it and nor does that ever so helpful introduction booklet.

When I tried the simple approach of just putting the new SIM in the phone I was told to "Insert correct SIM" and when I tried to activate the SIM from the phone I got an "Emergency only" message.

I can so blog without school

2008-12-04T21:58:00.003+10:30

It has not escaped my notice that my blog entries have been somewhat allusive of late. But don't worry fans, I have not deserted you yet! The trouble is, without school sagas I am a little short of stories. I upped (I love that the spell check considers that a real word) my hours at work but am still doing the bare minimum of one shift a week which means fewer crazy customer dealings and fewer stories.

So, in the absence of any real news, I may as well give you a quick update on my life in general.

~ As we all know school is done and, now that the last of the goodbye ceremonies are over and done with, I can get back to important stuff. Like thinking about blogging and then realising I have nothing to say.

~I've done something to my left wrist and it's been hurting for 2 days now. The bandage makes me itchy and I suspect does very little to help the wrist.

~ I recently found out that the guy who plays Luke on Gilmore Girls was also in Saw 4 and 5 and I am severely disappointed in him. I shake my head every time I think about it.

~ I've been reading more books which is great! When I feel like my mind is clear enough I can get started on The Affirmation which is written by the same author as The Prestige. If you know this author and his stories, you'll understand why I knew I'd never be able to focus enough on the book while doing year 12.

~ I had a girls only sleepover the other day. We watched lots of Disney movies and gossiped long into the night. It was great. (The original intention had been to reclaim our girlish innocence from years past but this is a bit tricky when you're old enough to pick up all the sexual reference Walt puts into his "children's" films)

All done!

2008-11-18T07:54:00.002+10:30

I'm finished! Euphoria has ensued and today it's raining which is great! I love rain, especially in November.
Five exams, all done like a dog's dinner. Now I can do all those things I promised myself not to do during year 12. Oh happy day!

There's really not much more to say until something exciting happens to me (which I'm almost sure it will since I'm now young, single and FREE!) ...That's not 'free' in any sort of sexual way, just to be clear.

Armaments and the origins of the First World War

2008-11-16T17:59:00.002+10:30

Yes, it is every bit as dull as it sounds. Possibly more so.

In case you're wondering, it wasn't Germany's fault. It was everyone's fault and I feel no sympathy for any of these countries. Well, maybe a bit for Bosnia because they were ruled by a man with a silly mustache and that's got to hurt a country's pride.

Current favourite phrase

2008-11-15T13:28:00.003+10:30

"That's gonna be as easy as pie! In fact, it'll be easier than pie, it'll be as easy as reconstituted egg."

Curses! Foiled again

2008-11-12T13:44:00.002+10:30

I am well aware of the fact that, at home, I tend to get sidetracked with things like washing dishes, answering numerous calls for other people, wearing my new high heels around the house so I get used to them (I swear that's the only reason), posting blogs, getting calls from tele-marketers and giving up on explaining I don't want the thing they're selling because they can't hear me all the way over in India so just hanging up, (sorry if that last sentence wasn't as well structured as it could have been) and playing computer games. I make no excuse for playing the games, I was deliberately avoiding study and there are no two ways about it.

So, today I had planned to go out to school or the library so that I would study better for my last exam (insert celebration dance here). Then the Summer heat we thought would never come, came. 36ºC today and I do not have enough faith in AdelaideMetro to get me where I need to go in under an hour.

And to top it all off - the computer froze so I couldn't save my game, I can't even time-waste effectively.

Historic starts with H

2008-11-06T09:55:00.002+10:30

Before I can continue this post, I must say something close to my heart:

This is not an historic day. This is A historic day.
I have watched the news on every channel and not one journalist, not even on ABC, has got that right and it has been grating my nerves.

Phew. Got that out of the way.

So, yay! The good one got in! I must say though, as much as I disagree with his politics, I do admire John McCain. He's had a lot against him in this campaign but he never got bitchy or whiny and his concession speech was extremely admirable.

The celebrations after Obama's victory made me a bit heart sore, I think the segregation issue might finally come to a close with this and it makes me so excited and so glad to have witnessed it. One day I can tell my kids what it felt like to see it all unfold.

Peace out.

PS: Can you believe I posted about this before Femmy? Neither can I!

The Final Cram

2008-11-02T20:44:00.002+10:30

My head's filling up with
words, words, words
None of them mine
Rather from
Plath, Orwell, Auden and Kroll

Quotes and references,
Direct and indirect
Fill up the Living Room
inside my head

Ibsen and Kirkup
take up the couch
While past and future essays
flutter by casually

Tomorrow they'll have to leave
Only to be replaced
by formuli, molecular structures and the digestive system

Who will have just settled in
When verb conjugations
muscle their way in,
Helped by their pals; irregular verbs.
Some take avere, others take essere (these must agree)

But they will only be kicked out
by the Bolsheviks
who'll commandeer the couch
The Jacobins and Sans Culottes will stand by the fire
And Bismark, Churchill and Wilson
will hover by the coffee table

For one long dinner party
After which, my Living Room head will empty

With only scraps of quotes or statistics
and a wine stained carpet
to remember the year by.

Customer of the Day #2

2008-11-02T15:40:00.000+10:30

While nothing can ever quite top the live chickens guy, I do think this one was still worth sharing:

Girl with a group friends: "Can we get two large combos?"

( I go to get two buckets of popcorn and two litres of Coke)

Girl: "Woah! That's way too big!" (turns to group) "So what else do you want?"

Job Satisfsction

2008-10-28T15:39:00.002+10:30

You know what I love about my job? It's like school but with the boring/difficult bits taken out. No homework, no detentions, no uniform inspections and no exams- that alone should make it pretty darn cool, not to mention the added bonus of being paid to watch movies.

But what I love, really love, are the gossip sessions. Everyone does this in school; you talk about a teacher or a student you both know and weigh up whether you like them or not based on their hair, any physical oddities they may posses, their attitude towards you and others, what they wear on casual days, how well they perform in particular subjects, what subjects they do, their vocabulary, whether they act their age and if they posses a way of making all their shortcomings adorable (or, in some cases, make their attributes annoying). Factors vary depending on the person and how you judge them but the basic premise is always there and makes dull afternoons pass in a blink.
Sometimes both parties involved in the conversation already have a fixed idea about whether they like the subject or not and this then makes the conversation less of a discussion and more of a one sided argument which is equally fun.

We do this all the time at my work, it's great and works best if the person you're talking about has just finished their shift. I may sound like a heartless and judgmental person for taking such pleasure in this but you all know you're guilty of it; it's the backbone of blogging after all.

Anyway, just thought I'd share the findings of my last conversation of this nature; Crazy Football Fan is also a sexual harasser and is on his second warning from management. Yay.

An open letter

2008-10-11T13:45:00.003+10:30

Dear SSABSA (aka Super Sadistic Alliance of Bitches and Sons-of-bitches Australia),

I have a bone to pick with you. I have had this bone for quite some time, all year in fact, and now the time has come to verbalise my sufferings.

Your system is ****ed. It could not be more convoluted if the whole process was determined by a group of cowboys who passed whichever rule their tobacco spit landed on. The bureaucracy is mind boggling; when I learned that I had to hand up my essay with the staple on a 45-degree angle I thought my teacher was kidding. She was not.

Your “study guides” are awful, horrible, disgusting and unachievable. How on earth do you expect anyone to be studying for exams before they have learnt what will be in them? The drawings attached to these guides make my face hurt. With all the money you make in trafficking human misery you should be able to afford an illustrator with a basic understanding of human anatomy. Also, filling pages with generic clipart images does not make the content of those pages any more appealing.

Your website has clearly been designed with the intent of making every 17 and 18 year old across the nation go bald because they are all ripping their hair out in frustration. Are you jealous of our flowing locks? Because if this is the case, SSABSA, you are handling it in a very immature manner and I implore you to reconsider your actions. I caught onto the futility of the website early on in the year and have still lost at least a week’s worth of study time attempting to make sense of the maze you have constructed in which every single page leads back to that **** SSABSA art show. That’s the last thing any of us are thinking about. (Even the art students do not want to look at it.)

I could go on, SSABSA, about your evident disregard for education and your association with Self-esteem Crushers R Us but I would prefer not to think about these depressing facts.

In closing, please be mindful that causing the intentional suffering of others, as you are doing, is most severely punished by the United Nations and Karma. Not wanting to involve either of these higher powers just yet, I will be doling out my own form of divine retribution in the form of rotten eggs, broken windows and … other things.

Customer of the Day

2008-10-02T11:19:00.001+09:30

"Hi, do you allow live chickens in the cinema?"

The 7 Steps of Customer Service

2008-10-01T11:02:00.003+09:30

1. Greet the customer (or call them over if they look like they're trying to walk past the Candy Bar without buying anything)

2. Take the customer's order

3. Suggestive sell/ Up sell (ie: make them buy more than they need and contribute to the obesity levels of the country. We all have to do our bit.)

4. Get the stuff they have ordered* and arrange on the counter in the correct order: 1. Popcorn 2. Drinks 3. Lollies 4. Ice cream

5. Repeat their order to the customer and tell them the price (this often where one hears cries of "What?!" or "$13 for popcorn and Maltesers?" or the old favourite "Mum, can I borrow some money?")

6. Take their money and count back the change

7. Say good bye and wish them a good day

*This is worded more professionally in the training booklet but I couldn't find that today ... possibly I have burned it or dropped it in the Coke syrup. Possibly.

My Job

2008-09-27T18:54:00.004+09:30

I just read through Zosia's blog about her crazy boss and it occurred to me that I haven't posted any work stories. I must be the only one.
This is not to say nothing blog worthy happens at my work, I just work late shifts and then forget to blog the next day.

So, I work at a cinema and it's in a suburb filled with, for lack of a more PC term, wogs. There are many hoons who "pimped their rides" and girls who seem to have been pimped also. Everyone lives in huge houses and pays for popcorn with $50 notes.

There are 5 jobs in a cinema:
-Candy Bar (selling over priced popcorn and lollies and so forth, then cleaning up the mess people have made on the tiles with their $5.60 Coke)
-Floor (checking tickets, directing people to cinemas and toilets and then cleaning the aforementioned)
-Box Office (selling tickets. It's a pretty sweet deal, they even get to sit down all day)
-Supervising (sitting in the office and making sure everyone else does their job)
-Projectionist (turning the movies on)

I do the first two. When I have proven myself to be reliable and conchy (and more available for weekday shifts) I will also do Box Office.

There aren't as many of the crazy characters that Zosia gets but there are one or two:
- Crazy football fan who literally never stops talking (and you can guess how varied those conversation topics are too)
- Slightly erratic woman who has been doing this job for 30 years, at this same cinema and always works the same shifts (she has been nominated for Employee of the Month once. By herself.)
- Two male supervisors who hold long conversations akin to bitching about the only other male supervisor (I like them both though, very entertaining and don't seem to mind of you don't fulfill all the 7 Steps of Customer Service)
- Battle-axe supervisor who has banned coffee on several occasions and puts up notices on the staff notice board in all caps.

I'm not very good at thinking up nicknames though so I'm open to suggestions.

PS: the 'Wall-E' standee I mentioned in the sidebar is this:

Isn't it cool? You actually sit on it too and lots of customers have had their photos taken with it. (Yes, people take cameras to cinemas now too)

Soapies

2008-09-24T23:21:00.003+09:30

Those of you who read both our blogs may have noticed that I made reference to a show called Passions in my sister's blog. It is my favourite soap opera ever in the whole world although these days I don't get to see as much of it because I have study and a faux social life which dominates my day time TV time but my gap year should put at end to that first problem at least.
Anyway, I just have to share the joy that is Passions with you all:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HB8LHegCia0

Oh yes, there is magic and a blind priest and lava and living dolls and a few years ago they opened a portal to Hell in Charity's closet but she didn't die there and two witches had a battle and the less evil witch was saved by her doll who is now dead and replaced with another doll and they brought Charity back which was lucky because the priest was almost out of holy water that he'd been throwing at the closet and then no one believed Kay when she told people she'd helped the witch put Charity in Hell because she was jealous of her and they both wanted to marry the same guy who was already married and he didn't know because he was at a big party that everyone in the town was invited to except Charity, Kay, the priest, the witches and some nerdy guy who was supposed to be Kay's best friend but wasn't around in any previous episodes and he saw the Hell portal and stll though Kay was making it up.

The 18th

2008-09-20T18:49:00.004+09:30

A lot of people dressed up and I was happy (I take dressing up very seriously). Here are a couple of piccies I'd like to share:

(That's me in the last one, reaching for a present. I like to think the collective sexiness of emo has gone up a notch thanks to that party)

2008-09-07T15:28:00.000+09:30

It’s Sunday and I have many homeworks to do. This is my journey of procrastination:

11:52 am:
I was just overcome by a sudden urge to get lots of brown paper bags and fill them with pretty things for someone to come across on a later date.

11:56 am:
Couldn’t find any pretty things to put in the paper bags so I filled an envelope with staples and old reciepts.

12:02 noon:
Paced around my room for a while, discovered my box of Birthday choccies was empty so opened a packet of Sour Strips (cola flavour). Currently pondering the question ‘Why do cola flavoured lollies taste more like cola than Coca-Cola does?’
Not that I have tasted straight cola on its own but I can be quite certain that these cola flavoured lollies have their own distinct flavour whereas Coke just tastes like fizzy sugar. (I discovered that at work last night when drinking a mysterious fizzy drink in an opaque cup with an equally opaque lid and was unable to work out what I was drinking until I peeked.)

12:16 pm:
Followed the acting trail of Val Lehman on IMDb.com

12:40 pm:
Just been looking through blog archives (mine and others’)

12:55 pm:
Highlighted stuff in my SATAC guide.

(short interlude for lunch break)

3:26 pm:
I’ve opened some more books and sent some emails and read some more blogs and just remembered that I promised to tell you all about my party.
I’ll do that in my next post.

My adventure at the Bottle-O

2008-09-05T17:50:00.002+09:30

I’ve seen Zosia do this before and there doesn’t seem to be any trick to it. She goes in, picks up a few bottle, puts them back, picks up some more bottles and buys them. Easy.

I needed to buy some champagne, beer and rum for my party (the rum is for punch and when I saw that, it made me think of pirates).
I went straight to the wine section to have a look around and was struck with a problem: secretive bottles. That’s right, bottles that refused to tell me what was in them. Now, I’m not completely out of the loop when to comes to booze and I know that ‘champagne’ is no longer the correct word so I knew to look for bottles with the words ‘sparkling white’ on them. Do you think I could find any? No!

After around 15 minutes of wandering around in a circle with my granny trolley (I wasn’t planning to walk home carrying a whole Saturday night’s worth of bottles unless I could wheel them somehow) when I eventually sent a text for help to my sitsas. “tell me about savy champagne, is it any good?” This is because I had finally found a bottle with ‘sparkling’ written on it!

The response from Zosia “never heard of it, so probably not. Try omni or jacob’s creek’ which I did (try, that is) and couldn’t seem to find them. AD is a little less into texting and cut straight to a call which went a little something like this:
AD: So what’s the problem?
NG: I can’t find any champagne and I think the bottle-o staff are laughing at me!
(not exactly a paranoid thought since I’d been wandering around for 20 minutes with a lost expression and an empty granny trolley)
AD: OK, where are you?
NG: (a slight whimper) In the wine section.
AD: (soothingly) Go to the fridges along the wall and look on the bottom shelves …

That’s right, dear readers, my first trip to the bottle-o as an 18 year old and I need my sister who lives in another state to guide me to the champagne.
Mum asked me later why I hadn’t asked for her help beforehand and I suppose it was because silly me thought the bottles would tell me what was inside them! But I’ve learnt my lesson now; alcohol is designed to confuse.

Update

2008-08-31T22:12:00.002+09:30

Hi guys,

I'M 18! (That happened on Monday and so did the start of mid-year exams) my week has been OK; the positives and negatives balanced each other out well.

I have a funny story to post but you'll have to wait until Tuesday or Wednesday to hear it because tomorrow I have another exam and my Independent Study presentation on Tuesday but after that I'm here and free for the blogging about.
I had a swell party yesterday which I'll tell you all about when I get my life back.

Cheerio!

PS: I saw Jacob the other day, he was driving his car.

My Dream Job

2008-08-14T17:46:00.001+09:30

I have decided what I’m meant to do in life: I’m going to be a PA.
It’s perfect for me really, I get to write To Do lists and schedules and then someone else does all the stuff I’ve written on them. Then I get to cross of the things they’ve done. It’s all the bits about lists I love without all the bits I hate (i.e.: having to do the stuff). Not only that, I get to be around stationary all day!
… Why one Earth didn’t I think of this earlier?

The Emo

2008-08-05T21:43:00.003+09:30

I should start by saying that this is not a bitching sesh, this is a lol sesh.
I'll be turning 18 soon (w00t) and I'm having an emo themed party and a friend of mine asked for help with her costume because (going to a private all-girls protestant school) she isn't quite sure what "emo" looks like.
On my google cruise, I found this gem: http://www.emo-corner.com/
A few of my favourite quotes include:

"Emo fashion is much different than any other type of style. Emo kids tend to come off as being outsiders. This carries through on their sense of style."
(It seems emo grammar is much different too.)

"Emo poems and quotes are very emotional and sad. Emo kids typicall write these poems to express their inner hurt."
To exemplify this new style of "emotional and sad" poetry, the site has provided this:
two shots of hate from a mouth as loud as a gun,
like an assasin ... who does it for fun.

two deafening blows in a war that has just begun,
life gone away...i'm done.

two red roses sitting on my coffin, the wind blows, leaving only one
the world i know disappears...like the setting sun.

And a personal fav:
"Loosely defined, Emo music is music that is highly emotional and very straightforward in the expression of that emotion."

Memories

2008-07-18T11:47:00.003+09:30

Remember back when you were a wee little thing and you used to grab the little white stick left behind after a lollipop and pretend you were smoking? Remember those magical lollies called ‘Fags’ (white sticks with red tips) that came in a box decorated with rosie-cheeked kids, such as yourself, also smoking? If you were a really tuff kid you might even buy lolly cigars called ‘Big Boss’ that came with a picture of an unshaven gangster smoking a real cigar.

But these innocent piece of subliminal advertising belong to a world of the past. Now when when you walk into a lollyshop you’ll find far safer pictures on the boxes of these well loved products, nothing to give kids dangerous ideas.